I think it’s time. Welcome to 2014!

I didn’t much like 2013. I didn’t particularly like 2012 either come to think of it, and there’s no reason to think that this year needs to be as crappy – particularly on day one.

so, it might be time to come back to blogging, but I’m not sure what capacity. I need to get my eating and exercise back on track, and work on fixing some areas of my life that I’m not happy with, and I feel the urge to share this with the ether.

Sorry :)

Seriously?

Why can’t I work out how to put in more photos? This will be tedious. Actually, it already is. The large is too large, the medium is just mediocre. In between the lush of my life’s hayfever and the appalling weather, we should’ve gone to Perth.

On the plus side, I have discovered that Tasmanian wines can be delicious, and definitely on par with the insipid French whites that I love. That’s got to be a plus.

A delicious cheese platter courtesy of room service.

The cheese platters that we make ourselves are nicer – but a little way too much for two people. That explains why I now think I have put on another five kilos in three days…

Hobart Harbour

A dismally dreary day in Hobart town.

My thoughts on Tasmania…

even though we really only saw Hobart – and bits of it at that!

It was cold, which was to be expected, but it was also dreary, which was a bit of a shock. I grew up in New Zealand, and expected Tasmania to be a carbon copy of it, but with gum trees.

I was wrong.

Interestingly enough, the city of Hobart did remind me of parts of central Auckland, but overall, the city wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before – an odd opinion given that I’m hardly the worldliest creature I know of. I was disappointed. Quite a bit. Not by the weather, by the ‘feel’ I got of the place, which was just a big, fat, nothing. There were plenty of places to eat, all the same as any other city I’ve been to. Lots of coffee houses (same), and lots of shops (unlike Darwin, so I was happy looking at fashions and trends for five minutes at least). The people there are older – middle aged and over predominantly. And on the chunky side too, which blows my theory that cold keeps people skinny by shivering (unless they’ve all got central heating of course!)

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The primroses at the base of the tree were the brightest things in the city.

 

The holiday is booked!

Starting today (okay, so I have to work on Monday for a bit to finish stuff up), I’m on leave prior to going away again. The first week will be spent doing things that I didn’t get to do while I’ve been working my ass off for the past 6 months or so (and yes, how relaxing that will be!), and then the second week will be a short holiday with the lush of my life.

We’ll be popping down to Tasmania – which is a) waaaay down south and b) going to be really cold, but we’ve never been and I’m sure it will be lovely. Three nights away, staying in Hobart and I got us a little car to zip around in. Really looking forward to it, and wondering how the hell I’m going to get everything done that I need to do today without switching into holiday mode!

Is being totally mentally exhausted an excuse to be lazy?

I am tired to my bones. Yesterday it dawned on me that the last time I felt like this, was when my daughter was born 19 years ago. People would say ‘She’s asleep, why don’t you have one too?’, and I would feel obliged to point out that it was the only down time I had – time to relax and do the things I wanted to do.

It feels like that again.

I’ve been awake for two and a half hours, and have lain in bed thinking of all the things I could be doing instead. And doing none of them. Even now I am thinking I have time to go swing a kettlebell around for 15 minutes before I have to pick up the lush of my life from work – so I’m lying here blogging. I’m more than a little disappointed in myself, and am consoling myself with the fact he will come home and sleep, so I can do it all then.

Bet I don’t.

How am I going to feel normal again? Ever?

Where to start?

It seems like I’ve been away forever, and I’m not sure that I like that, so I’m just jumping in the deep end again. forgive me if I bore you.

I did my 12K or so run, and then went back out field. Although I tried to be ‘good’ and ‘behave’ and ‘try harder’, I failed. I put on weight just through eating too much, the wrong food, and not exercising.

Around 5 kilos all up.

And I hate  it. I hate that I was weak, and I hate that I make excuses when there really is none except my own lack of willpower and drive.  I hate that I don’t like my body anymore, whereas before I enjoyed looking at how much it had changed in the mirror, now it just looks like it did when I was unfit and very overweight. I hate that I can’t see the effort I’ve made anymore. I hate that I hate. Argh! It goes on and on and on!!

What am I going to do about it then, you may ask? Well. The first step was to get back onto the ‘eating what I’m supposed to eat’ wagon, which I’m pleased to say, has been pretty much ticked off. All I need to do is stop pretending that I can get away with the odd piece of bread here and there, and I’ll have it wrapped up.

The next step is the exercise. I will admit, I’ve been home for a few weeks now, and it’s slowly (oh.so.slowly) starting to come back to me. The past week, I’ve tried to do something everyday – which is harder than usual because we haven’t had too many PT sessions at work (so that’s an hour per day usually that I’m now working instead of exercising), and I have to make the time up after work. I’m sure you all know how hard it is exercising when you’re tired and cranky and would love to just have a beer and fall into a coma… That kinda hard. But I’ve been waddling here and there, and doing some kettlebell and tabata and sprints and ab exercises with the lush of my life (who lets me drag him into these things – poor love!), and the act of simply DOING these things is improving my mental state, if not my physical one yet. Yesterday I had the first run in three weeks that I actually enjoyed, and I’m glad I did, because it was starting to get a little disheartening (a bit like the Olympic walkers who walk faster, and further, than I run!). I will keep chipping away, and I’m sure there will be some results soon. Failing that, I’ll just keep doing it, because it suits my headspace :)

Finally, I need to get onto my portion size, particularly at lunch. I’ve been a bit lot lazy lately, and have been paying for lunch at the mess. While the food is usually of a very high standard, and healthy enough, I have a tendency to take more than I should.  I really will have to start making our lunches again, or get him to dish my food out instead! The other reason to make lunches of course is the cost. Although I can buy a crappy salad for $8 from the local shop (who SWEAR they’re not scalping soldiers. Mhmm. I call bullshit on that one!), lunch at the mess is $6 for a large plate of hot food, then there’s a salad bar as well… and for 2 of us, that’s $60 a fortnight, which is a carton of beer.  I’d rather spend the money on beer, despite it being bad for me. My excuse is that I’ll be drinking ‘near beer’ for the next 7 months real soon. My alter-excuse is I like near beer, and that’s just as bad for me, even if it is non alcoholic! I’m going to aim for once a fortnight treat. We’ll see how that one pans out :)

Darwin City to Surf 2012

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Well, we did it, and despite missing out on running for so many months, did better than last year.

The course was a little different, but still basically the same, and the temp and humidity were perfect for a morning waddle. I was a bit worried as the humidity had been up much higher in the past few days, but it was just lovely. The change in course meant we weren’t running into the sun for any great length of time, which was a bit of a killer last year. So much for winter!

I read my notes from last year, which basically said I was running on empty from the 8K mark, so I made sure I had a meal shake an hour before. Thought I was pretty smart too, until I was hacking up the snot running down the back of my throat 5K in (sorry for the TMI there!), and it took me another 3K to realise that the shake has milk powder in it. What a dork. Wouldn’t have done much to my time I’m sure, but it kinda screwed with my chi a bit… shan’t be making that mistake again!

I took a couple of Gu in case I felt the need, and I did break one out at the 9.5/10K mark. More than giving me an added boost, it made the time go really quickly, as I was preoccupied with rolling the crap around in my mouth and then swallowing it all! The drink stations were in the wrong place for me – I think I’ll try a little hand held bottle next year for emergencies. Not that I felt like I was going to die at any time, but it was annoying.

The crowd was good and well behaved, none of the jostling or track blocking behaviours that I’ve seen in previous races. And thank fuck – NO PRAMS! Although I do wonder why they started the shorter race before the longer one, because we did run into them… even I did, so that means the guys in front who powered away must’ve been falling over them.

It was also good to see the local firies getting involved, and running in their heavy suits. At least they didn’t have to wear their boots or breathing apparatus :) We will donate some money to the Make A Wish Foundation on their behalf – we don’t usually carry money when running! At the end we got Powerade and Mount Franklin water (as Powerade were the sponsors this year), and I’m ashamed to admit I sculled a red one. I know it’s the same anatomically as a can of coke, but I REALLY like the red one, and haven’t had one for over a year now, so I think maybe just this once??

He did 1:12 (last year 1:20) and I did 1:24 (last year 1:40), and I think we didn’t do too bad at all.

(and WHY, do I want to go trail running???? Now! WTF?)

It’s been a very, very long two months.

To be eating badly and not exercising – I am feeling every damn day of it. 

ATM we’re home on two weeks R&R, and we’re lapping it up. The worst thing about it is that we have to go back and do it all again, but we I need to push that to the back of my mind and just enjoy the now for what it is – which is the best way to live.

As I’ve bleated in my Tumblr (and should’ve done so here… the words just went on and on and on!), the food has been bad for me. And while there’s a certain amount of ‘suck it’ that I had to do, I really believe that I could have been doing things better (chocolate sugar laden drinks. Really?), and I have plans in place for when I get back. It’s just so easy to be lazy out there – conservation of resources and all – but it’s not a war, it’s not ‘for real’, and yes, I can afford to miss a meal or two without fainting from hunger. As for exercise… I really miss it. Mentally as well as physically, and I need to lift my game up. All those things I said I was going to do, I’ve done maybe 4 days out there. Out of 45, that’s pretty bullshit.

So, it’s time to take control – again – and be a bit more responsible. Six more weeks is not so long compared with the next phase, so I am sure I can cope.

On the plus side, my eating has gone back to normal at home, which I thought it would. I want healthy foods, and snacks, and drink way more water again – so at the end of the day, it’s not ME that’s driving this crap, it’s the circumstance, which is very comforting. I can do better than I have been, and I will do better. Hell, even if I only do two lots of situps and pushups a day, it’s more than I’ve been doing. And if I write it down, then I’m accountable. Right?