15 November. Nothing to see here…

Well, I knew that the day was going to be difficult by the fact I didn’t want to get out of bed.

And I even used the ‘well, it’s late, so the gym will be all full of people now’ excuse not to go.

And I ate biscuits. Why? Good question. I didn’t even hesitate today, I just hooked in. How many, I do not know. Suffice to say I’m feeling very sheepish.

And I followed this up with chips for dinner. And more for desert. Cos chips are better than banana cake, right?


I did manage to get to the gym after all of that. Sprints on the dreadmill – it’s been a while. And boy, did I just about puke all those chips up too. At least I went, at least I did something today, and at least I have a plan for tomorrow.

Wake up earlier. Get up and go to the damn gym. Sheesh. One JOB.

In other news…

I’m studying again. Two different strands at the moment, one for a new job (here’s hoping anyway!), and one for my dream job (not likely to get it but I love it).

Since taking it up again, I have become more aware of the chemicals that we are putting into ourselves, and into the environment. I had no idea how bad microplastics were until I did a paper on them – I only heard in the media they were ‘bad’ and I stopped using products with microbeads in, but I had NO idea of just how widespread and going to be impossible to get rid of they really were. Babywipes down the toilet? OMG. Send your kids to a trip at the water treatment plant so they learn what not to do at a younger age PLEASE!! So I am trying to be a bit more conscious with small things, like using glass, not using plastic bags, cutting down on packaging – which isn’t much in the long run, but we got to start somewhere, right?

The other thing I’ve started doing is looking at what I am putting on my body – the stuff that gets absorbed by the biggest organ and then pee’d back out into the environment. I am sorry to say I saw a rock deodorant at one of ‘those’ stores (hippie? organic? biofriendly??) and brought one to try out, and after a week of use at work, I am impressed.. I do still have to take it out for a serious sweatfest on a run, but I am away from home for a few more days yet, so I should know this time next week how it holds up to some more serious exercise. And in actual fact, I really don’t care, it’s mostly so I can work without sweating, and it does that just fine, so if I DO sweat during a run, who cares? And if I smell, who cares?

I also made up some home made beauty stuff to send to my lovely Mother for her birthday this year – lavender scented bath salts, beeswax and coconut oil moisturiser, and sugar and coffee scrub. I use them at home too and love them, but I wanted to send something from the heart that was not bad for anyone or thing. I hope! We are also drinking Kombucha, as the more I read about the impact of gut bacteria on health, the more awareness I have of it, and the more I want to be trying to do the right thing by us (and them too!).

I just hope that we can wind back some of the damage we’ve done to the environment and to ourselves before it’s tipped too far.


My, doesn’t time fly?

All I can imagine is that I haven’t had an awful lot to say over the past few years.

I’m sorry. Not sorry.

Recap? In a nutshell, still with the lush of my life, in Sydney but not for long. Coming to the end of another work cycle and about to move again… not thrilled, but what can you do? Next on the agenda is Newcastle, NSW – hopefully for longer than a few years, but there is nothing in this job that is a given (except maybe payday!), so who knows.

I have been half assed with my exercise since coming back from overseas in 2013, and I am going to try and get my mojo back. Running has been limited to trail runs – and nowhere near often enough as I’d like, so that’s also something that has to change. Eating has been pretty good, but I’ve fallen into a bit of a rut with the old ‘just this one/once/meal’ sneaking in. So I’ve had to make a promise to myself. To look after myself better. That’s it. And I have to remind myself of this promise at least 87 times a day (especially when I’m eating with work and therefore waaaay too much yummy food). To look after myself better means to take care of myself. To think about what I’m doing or not doing, and to do the things I should do, more, and the stuff I shouldn’t do, less. I’m not going to say I won’t fuck up, I’m going to give myself permission to make the choice. And hope like hell that the choice I make 99 times out of 100 will be the best choice for myself.

So today, I am looking after myself better.

I got up early and went to the gym. Sure it wasn’t anything spectacular – a few light arm free weights, a couple of km on the dreadmill and some pilates to sort out those stupid adductors of mine that don’t exist. The main point was, I went. I got up, and I did something. And perhaps this afternoon I’ll do some more… although I am kind’ve enjoying lying on my back in the peace and quiet – it won’t last for long I’m sure :)

I think it’s time. Welcome to 2014!

I didn’t much like 2013. I didn’t particularly like 2012 either come to think of it, and there’s no reason to think that this year needs to be as crappy – particularly on day one.

so, it might be time to come back to blogging, but I’m not sure what capacity. I need to get my eating and exercise back on track, and work on fixing some areas of my life that I’m not happy with, and I feel the urge to share this with the ether.

Sorry :)


Why can’t I work out how to put in more photos? This will be tedious. Actually, it already is. The large is too large, the medium is just mediocre. In between the lush of my life’s hayfever and the appalling weather, we should’ve gone to Perth.

On the plus side, I have discovered that Tasmanian wines can be delicious, and definitely on par with the insipid French whites that I love. That’s got to be a plus.

A delicious cheese platter courtesy of room service.

The cheese platters that we make ourselves are nicer – but a little way too much for two people. That explains why I now think I have put on another five kilos in three days…

Hobart Harbour

A dismally dreary day in Hobart town.

My thoughts on Tasmania…

even though we really only saw Hobart – and bits of it at that!

It was cold, which was to be expected, but it was also dreary, which was a bit of a shock. I grew up in New Zealand, and expected Tasmania to be a carbon copy of it, but with gum trees.

I was wrong.

Interestingly enough, the city of Hobart did remind me of parts of central Auckland, but overall, the city wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before – an odd opinion given that I’m hardly the worldliest creature I know of. I was disappointed. Quite a bit. Not by the weather, by the ‘feel’ I got of the place, which was just a big, fat, nothing. There were plenty of places to eat, all the same as any other city I’ve been to. Lots of coffee houses (same), and lots of shops (unlike Darwin, so I was happy looking at fashions and trends for five minutes at least). The people there are older – middle aged and over predominantly. And on the chunky side too, which blows my theory that cold keeps people skinny by shivering (unless they’ve all got central heating of course!)


The primroses at the base of the tree were the brightest things in the city.


The holiday is booked!

Starting today (okay, so I have to work on Monday for a bit to finish stuff up), I’m on leave prior to going away again. The first week will be spent doing things that I didn’t get to do while I’ve been working my ass off for the past 6 months or so (and yes, how relaxing that will be!), and then the second week will be a short holiday with the lush of my life.

We’ll be popping down to Tasmania – which is a) waaaay down south and b) going to be really cold, but we’ve never been and I’m sure it will be lovely. Three nights away, staying in Hobart and I got us a little car to zip around in. Really looking forward to it, and wondering how the hell I’m going to get everything done that I need to do today without switching into holiday mode!

Is being totally mentally exhausted an excuse to be lazy?

I am tired to my bones. Yesterday it dawned on me that the last time I felt like this, was when my daughter was born 19 years ago. People would say ‘She’s asleep, why don’t you have one too?’, and I would feel obliged to point out that it was the only down time I had – time to relax and do the things I wanted to do.

It feels like that again.

I’ve been awake for two and a half hours, and have lain in bed thinking of all the things I could be doing instead. And doing none of them. Even now I am thinking I have time to go swing a kettlebell around for 15 minutes before I have to pick up the lush of my life from work – so I’m lying here blogging. I’m more than a little disappointed in myself, and am consoling myself with the fact he will come home and sleep, so I can do it all then.

Bet I don’t.

How am I going to feel normal again? Ever?

Where to start?

It seems like I’ve been away forever, and I’m not sure that I like that, so I’m just jumping in the deep end again. forgive me if I bore you.

I did my 12K or so run, and then went back out field. Although I tried to be ‘good’ and ‘behave’ and ‘try harder’, I failed. I put on weight just through eating too much, the wrong food, and not exercising.

Around 5 kilos all up.

And I hate  it. I hate that I was weak, and I hate that I make excuses when there really is none except my own lack of willpower and drive.  I hate that I don’t like my body anymore, whereas before I enjoyed looking at how much it had changed in the mirror, now it just looks like it did when I was unfit and very overweight. I hate that I can’t see the effort I’ve made anymore. I hate that I hate. Argh! It goes on and on and on!!

What am I going to do about it then, you may ask? Well. The first step was to get back onto the ‘eating what I’m supposed to eat’ wagon, which I’m pleased to say, has been pretty much ticked off. All I need to do is stop pretending that I can get away with the odd piece of bread here and there, and I’ll have it wrapped up.

The next step is the exercise. I will admit, I’ve been home for a few weeks now, and it’s slowly (oh.so.slowly) starting to come back to me. The past week, I’ve tried to do something everyday – which is harder than usual because we haven’t had too many PT sessions at work (so that’s an hour per day usually that I’m now working instead of exercising), and I have to make the time up after work. I’m sure you all know how hard it is exercising when you’re tired and cranky and would love to just have a beer and fall into a coma… That kinda hard. But I’ve been waddling here and there, and doing some kettlebell and tabata and sprints and ab exercises with the lush of my life (who lets me drag him into these things – poor love!), and the act of simply DOING these things is improving my mental state, if not my physical one yet. Yesterday I had the first run in three weeks that I actually enjoyed, and I’m glad I did, because it was starting to get a little disheartening (a bit like the Olympic walkers who walk faster, and further, than I run!). I will keep chipping away, and I’m sure there will be some results soon. Failing that, I’ll just keep doing it, because it suits my headspace :)

Finally, I need to get onto my portion size, particularly at lunch. I’ve been a bit lot lazy lately, and have been paying for lunch at the mess. While the food is usually of a very high standard, and healthy enough, I have a tendency to take more than I should.  I really will have to start making our lunches again, or get him to dish my food out instead! The other reason to make lunches of course is the cost. Although I can buy a crappy salad for $8 from the local shop (who SWEAR they’re not scalping soldiers. Mhmm. I call bullshit on that one!), lunch at the mess is $6 for a large plate of hot food, then there’s a salad bar as well… and for 2 of us, that’s $60 a fortnight, which is a carton of beer.  I’d rather spend the money on beer, despite it being bad for me. My excuse is that I’ll be drinking ‘near beer’ for the next 7 months real soon. My alter-excuse is I like near beer, and that’s just as bad for me, even if it is non alcoholic! I’m going to aim for once a fortnight treat. We’ll see how that one pans out :)