Why am I doing this?

**reblogged fm my tumblr…

Over the years, I got larger, as many many people do – like millions of others I had a child, I gave up smoking, I had periods of stress in my life.

However, I have watched what I have eaten for many years, and while not *perfect*, I knew in myself it was pretty good (for lack of another word) – balanced, lower fat, lower carbs etc.etc. Over the last 3 years I have been exercising regularly, but it has increased over the last six months (due to picking up the running bug in my own time!), and I have been making a more determined effort to eat better/less/exercise more.

I’m overweight. Unhealthy weight. Unhappy weight. I wanted it gone, so I could hopefully be around for a few more years (it’s amazing what having a younger lush in your life does!). I have never lost weight easily. I am the kind of person who can starve themselves, exercise like crazy, and nothing budges. I worked super hard, and I lost 5kg in 6 months. While this in itself was amazing, I’ve never worked so hard or so long at this before – I knew what I was putting in, and I knew what I was putting out, and the two weren’t compatible. It’s just not fair that people can lose 20lbs in a month by having meal replacements, or by giving up coke, or junk food. I’m sorry, I’m really happy for people that can do that, truly I am, but on the inside I think ‘Why not me?’ Why can I eat sweet fuck all and run 12K and not lose weight?

So I went to my doctor and said ‘Enough’. So she sent me to the nutrition guru. Who told me that there was something wrong with the way my body processes glucose, and that there was something that we could do about it. I almost cried. For once, someone wasn’t just saying ‘Eat less, exercise more’, or ‘Eat this’, ‘Don’t eat that’. There was actually something wrong with me. And it can be fixed. I’ve never been a person for fads, or exclusionary diets (ie. The Paleo Diet Challenge by 125 got the ass 6 days in!), and like I said my diet is very balanced, but then he explained that I had to not eat certain foods to teach my body to use what it has already.

For two weeks, I had to give up starches and sugar. No flour, bread, rice, pasta, sugar, juice, cordial – a little fruit. I had to increase vegetables (you tried eating 3 cups of vegetables with dinner lately? Waaaaay more than what I’d usually eat!), eat macadamia nuts and yoghurt daily. And I lost 3.5kg in the first week. For a while there, I thought that I was going to have to go back and say I was starting to feel like a chemo patient, but then in the second week, the weight just blipped up and down half a kilo or so… Today I had my review. And today I was reminded about my post nasal drip, and asked if it had gotten worse. Yes it had actually, a few days last week it was bad during running in the morning, and this morning – but I put that down to a glass of milk I had yesterday evening. One glass. In two weeks. Then he said ‘How would you feel if I told you that post nasal drip is stopping you from losing weight?’. I couldn’t lie. I had to say ‘Pretty fucking crumby’. A teeny wedge of Brie has been my treat to me. Gotta stop. The yoghurt I had to eat for afternoon tea? Gotta stop. Along with white coffee. The meal replacements I was allowed to eat if I was too busy/lazy to eat real food? Gone. Fuck it. At least I have been doing the soy thing on my oats, and I can drink black coffee. And green tea. Think I’m going to start putting gin in the diet though…

Once we know how various foods affect me, then we can start putting stuff back in. I’m not going to be doing this forever, it’s all about learning what makes me function better. You know what? I feel the best I’ve felt in years. Mentally and physically. My body is not so creaky, and I know I can do more, because I can do anything! It’s not all about losing the weight, that is just the indicator that something is not right, and I’m going to fix it.

I got this shit.

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