And in other news:

I am now part of the triathlon team at work! We have compulsory sports on Tue and Thurs, and must align ourselves with a sanctioned activity – unfortunately in my line of work the chances of me having to work are about 50/50, so it’s unfair to let a team down. We office types like to run, because we can do it as an individual or as a group, for as long or as short as we want, and when we found out the tri team was points based, we were in!

Apparently there are plenty of people who don’t swim or don’t ride, and I guess there will be some odd sods that don’t run, so they distribute points for the activity you do, and the individual points contribute to the team score. I thought it was a fantastic idea – it gives you motivation without making you feel bad for having to work through, and lets you be part of a team anyway! I was planning on swimming tomorrow, but the boss said I have to work.

So I said ‘Fine. I’ll run during my lunch break.’

(I’m also contemplating a new bike when I get back from my field trip in July. I think the lush of my life would like me to go as fast as him. He’s so sweet!)

I’m not happy.

I have spent the best part of 6 months being very thoughtful about what I ate. I know what’s not good for me, and I know that having some junk food every once in a while won’t kill me.

So why is it that for the past three days, I have been unable to get full? I know how much I should be eating – I know the signs that my body makes when it needs more meat (usually ‘Hmm. I need to eat steak tonight’) or more greens (usually ‘Hmmm. I need to eat more greens tonight’), so why is it that for the past three days, I haven’t been able to fill up? It’s not like I have a craving for anything in particular (or if I do, it’s so obscure I don’t know what I would need to eat to meet that need, therefore the multivitamin and mineral tab I’ve been eating should take care of any of those). I am not hungry – I know I’ve had enough to eat and my stomach’s not making hungry noises, so why eat so much? And bread? Which I can usually say no to. Why?

The only thing I’ve done is more exercise. Which doesn’t really make sense, because I’ve done it before and not had this problem. I don’t *think* it’s my willpower, I know it’s not good for me. I can’t be eating properly… I need to go back to basics and look at what I’m eating and do it right.

I really don’t need this right now. I have to go away for three weeks, to where my meals are cooked for me and are at set meal times. No snacks provided. I hope to buy my own while I’m there, but I probably won’t get out to the shops for a week so I will have to take it all down with me. If this eating rubbish keeps it up for three weeks I will have to go and see the doc. I am annoyed and I am stressed.

And I am DEFINITELY not happy.

(one theory I am trying to work on is the type of exercise I’ve been doing is having an affect: circuits. The muscle that I am building needs to have more glucose, which the reduction of fat and low sugar diet can’t provide, so I’m eating more to fuel more muscle. Soon it will even itself out and go back to normal – once those stores are up. Carb loading to the extreme. I think I need to work on that a bit more…)

I am still alive…

Just trying to get back on the bandwagon.

Had that week of gastro yuck, where I had to eat meal replacement shakes and toast and not much else. Scales went down, but it’s a bullshit reduction largely based on muscle loss, so I wasn’t unhappy when they went up again as I recovered.

Then my mother came to visit for 4 days (haven’t seen her for three years, so it was very nice :), and while my eating wasn’t really even what I’d call ‘unhealthy’ or ‘overeating’, it was not the right stuff for me (ie potatoes and cheese), nor the right amount – although I did temper it a lot by making reasonable choices and trying to look at the portion size, I felt like I’d eaten too much, and coupled with two weeks of inactivity, I was feeling fat and bloated…

So today when I went to the diet dood, I didn’t want to weigh myself. I just spent ten minutes talking to him about what I did and realised that it really wasn’t *that* bad. It took verbalising it to realise that how I behaved, was exactly like a ‘normal’ person would – how I would have behaved before I started being careful with what I was eating. One day I will be ‘normal’ again, and I’ll have to deal with it, so I manned up, and got on the scales. In two weeks, with gastro, no exercise and too much food, I lost 1 kg in two weeks. According to him anyway. It also said that I had lost 3% body fat, which I think is just bullshit (and told him as much. He said it’s so variable, unless we do it under the same conditions every time, then it’s not a good measure!).

The point of the exercise is:

  • It’s about the journey, not the destination.
  • Even when you think you’ve failed, sometimes it’s not failing at all.
  • The choices we make count.

I thought I has screwed up, but I’m lucky I don’t suffer from binge eating or emotional eating. I don’t have snacks in my house, and I’m over buying them at the shop.  I try and eat what I know I should eat… sometimes I eat stuff that’s not so good for me, but as long as it’s the exception rather than the rule, then it’s fine. I still have a way to go, but it’s more about how I feel and what I look like rather than how much I weigh. I use the scales as a tool to make sure I’m going in the right direction, and so far, so good.

The challenge for the next 5 weeks is the three weeks I will spend away from home, being served deep fried everything. I told the diet dood that I will rise to the challenge, and loose half a kilogram between now and 13 Feb – I needed a goal so I just plucked one out of my ass. We’ll see how I go 🙂