Where to start?

It seems like I’ve been away forever, and I’m not sure that I like that, so I’m just jumping in the deep end again. forgive me if I bore you.

I did my 12K or so run, and then went back out field. Although I tried to be ‘good’ and ‘behave’ and ‘try harder’, I failed. I put on weight just through eating too much, the wrong food, and not exercising.

Around 5 kilos all up.

And I hate  it. I hate that I was weak, and I hate that I make excuses when there really is none except my own lack of willpower and drive.  I hate that I don’t like my body anymore, whereas before I enjoyed looking at how much it had changed in the mirror, now it just looks like it did when I was unfit and very overweight. I hate that I can’t see the effort I’ve made anymore. I hate that I hate. Argh! It goes on and on and on!!

What am I going to do about it then, you may ask? Well. The first step was to get back onto the ‘eating what I’m supposed to eat’ wagon, which I’m pleased to say, has been pretty much ticked off. All I need to do is stop pretending that I can get away with the odd piece of bread here and there, and I’ll have it wrapped up.

The next step is the exercise. I will admit, I’ve been home for a few weeks now, and it’s slowly (oh.so.slowly) starting to come back to me. The past week, I’ve tried to do something everyday – which is harder than usual because we haven’t had too many PT sessions at work (so that’s an hour per day usually that I’m now working instead of exercising), and I have to make the time up after work. I’m sure you all know how hard it is exercising when you’re tired and cranky and would love to just have a beer and fall into a coma… That kinda hard. But I’ve been waddling here and there, and doing some kettlebell and tabata and sprints and ab exercises with the lush of my life (who lets me drag him into these things – poor love!), and the act of simply DOING these things is improving my mental state, if not my physical one yet. Yesterday I had the first run in three weeks that I actually enjoyed, and I’m glad I did, because it was starting to get a little disheartening (a bit like the Olympic walkers who walk faster, and further, than I run!). I will keep chipping away, and I’m sure there will be some results soon. Failing that, I’ll just keep doing it, because it suits my headspace 🙂

Finally, I need to get onto my portion size, particularly at lunch. I’ve been a bit lot lazy lately, and have been paying for lunch at the mess. While the food is usually of a very high standard, and healthy enough, I have a tendency to take more than I should.  I really will have to start making our lunches again, or get him to dish my food out instead! The other reason to make lunches of course is the cost. Although I can buy a crappy salad for $8 from the local shop (who SWEAR they’re not scalping soldiers. Mhmm. I call bullshit on that one!), lunch at the mess is $6 for a large plate of hot food, then there’s a salad bar as well… and for 2 of us, that’s $60 a fortnight, which is a carton of beer.  I’d rather spend the money on beer, despite it being bad for me. My excuse is that I’ll be drinking ‘near beer’ for the next 7 months real soon. My alter-excuse is I like near beer, and that’s just as bad for me, even if it is non alcoholic! I’m going to aim for once a fortnight treat. We’ll see how that one pans out 🙂