this week’s been hard…

and I’ve no particular excuse for it. My eating’s been okay – bar the fact I have to give up dairy, but hey, it’s only two weeks, right?, my K’s are down, but hey, whatever… I have just felt particularly BLEH for the past two days. Low on iron perhaps? I’ll have to up my intake I think, just in case.

I feel better today than I did yesterday – for the first time in simply ages, I didn’t even want to go for a run yesterday. I wasn’t sick, I just was on ‘E for enough’. And hungry. I nibbled and munched all day. Surely that little sliver of choc mud cake the day before wasn’t to blame? No. I can’t think such things, I just can’t. The thought of having to deny myself of every pleasure for the rest of my life would be too much.

I’m doing pretty damn good I think, all things considered. I have had 4 slices of rye bread in 3 weeks, and apart from wraps, sweet potato and oats, that’s the biggest carb fest I’ve had. I’ll eat some pasta before the halfa and gu during it – that’s allowed. Maybe it’s because I said I’d never felt better? Maybe some irritated celestial being was suitably pissed and decided to teach me what for? Maybe I ran out of stuff I’m supposed to burn? Don’t think so, the diet guru didn’t seem to think it would be an issue for me.

I’m hoping that it’s just a lack of iron slump, and that I’ll be good to go on Sunday. I managed to do it last time with less training, so I’m sure I can do it this time. The only person I have to beat is myself, and simply by starting, I shall achieve one of my goals for the race!

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Why am I doing this?

**reblogged fm my tumblr…

Over the years, I got larger, as many many people do – like millions of others I had a child, I gave up smoking, I had periods of stress in my life.

However, I have watched what I have eaten for many years, and while not *perfect*, I knew in myself it was pretty good (for lack of another word) – balanced, lower fat, lower carbs etc.etc. Over the last 3 years I have been exercising regularly, but it has increased over the last six months (due to picking up the running bug in my own time!), and I have been making a more determined effort to eat better/less/exercise more.

I’m overweight. Unhealthy weight. Unhappy weight. I wanted it gone, so I could hopefully be around for a few more years (it’s amazing what having a younger lush in your life does!). I have never lost weight easily. I am the kind of person who can starve themselves, exercise like crazy, and nothing budges. I worked super hard, and I lost 5kg in 6 months. While this in itself was amazing, I’ve never worked so hard or so long at this before – I knew what I was putting in, and I knew what I was putting out, and the two weren’t compatible. It’s just not fair that people can lose 20lbs in a month by having meal replacements, or by giving up coke, or junk food. I’m sorry, I’m really happy for people that can do that, truly I am, but on the inside I think ‘Why not me?’ Why can I eat sweet fuck all and run 12K and not lose weight?

So I went to my doctor and said ‘Enough’. So she sent me to the nutrition guru. Who told me that there was something wrong with the way my body processes glucose, and that there was something that we could do about it. I almost cried. For once, someone wasn’t just saying ‘Eat less, exercise more’, or ‘Eat this’, ‘Don’t eat that’. There was actually something wrong with me. And it can be fixed. I’ve never been a person for fads, or exclusionary diets (ie. The Paleo Diet Challenge by 125 got the ass 6 days in!), and like I said my diet is very balanced, but then he explained that I had to not eat certain foods to teach my body to use what it has already.

For two weeks, I had to give up starches and sugar. No flour, bread, rice, pasta, sugar, juice, cordial – a little fruit. I had to increase vegetables (you tried eating 3 cups of vegetables with dinner lately? Waaaaay more than what I’d usually eat!), eat macadamia nuts and yoghurt daily. And I lost 3.5kg in the first week. For a while there, I thought that I was going to have to go back and say I was starting to feel like a chemo patient, but then in the second week, the weight just blipped up and down half a kilo or so… Today I had my review. And today I was reminded about my post nasal drip, and asked if it had gotten worse. Yes it had actually, a few days last week it was bad during running in the morning, and this morning – but I put that down to a glass of milk I had yesterday evening. One glass. In two weeks. Then he said ‘How would you feel if I told you that post nasal drip is stopping you from losing weight?’. I couldn’t lie. I had to say ‘Pretty fucking crumby’. A teeny wedge of Brie has been my treat to me. Gotta stop. The yoghurt I had to eat for afternoon tea? Gotta stop. Along with white coffee. The meal replacements I was allowed to eat if I was too busy/lazy to eat real food? Gone. Fuck it. At least I have been doing the soy thing on my oats, and I can drink black coffee. And green tea. Think I’m going to start putting gin in the diet though…

Once we know how various foods affect me, then we can start putting stuff back in. I’m not going to be doing this forever, it’s all about learning what makes me function better. You know what? I feel the best I’ve felt in years. Mentally and physically. My body is not so creaky, and I know I can do more, because I can do anything! It’s not all about losing the weight, that is just the indicator that something is not right, and I’m going to fix it.

I got this shit.

Two more weeks!

And this time, I’m not allowed milk either.
And that includes milk products, such as cheese and yoghurt. And no meal replacement shakes either, as they’re milk based… Which shits me, cos they were so easy to grab in a hurry!

*sigh*

Apparently post nasal drip = no weight loss. Weird huh?

Two weeks are up!

Two long weeks of no bread, no rice, no potatos, no sugar, no cordial, no fruit juice… I’ve had 2 pcs of rye bread ( allowed to eat, just chose not to), a few bits of fruit here and there, and one martini.

I’m pretty pleased with myself, and I like the fact I feel really good- how is it my bones ache less? My head is clearer and I feel I can focus better, but I’m not sure how much of this is physical, and how much is mental. And I did loose weight, which means we’re on the right track.
Long way to go yet, but it’s moving in the right direction at last! And why do I think he’s going to tell me to keep it up for the rest of my life?

stupid tumblr

I want to tell everyone that the movie the lush of my life and I were going to see last night was put off until next Sunday night – the night of the race. Hopefully I can drag myself from the car to the deckchair for it, cos I’m not missing either of them!

We had a lovely meal last night – far too much on the plate though, and it was hard to say no to all the chips, particularly after being at the show yesterday as well and having to pass up all the once a year foods I’d usually indulge in. *sigh*

Most interesting is the fact that if I don’t exercise, I don’t lose weight. I think there’s something wrong with that picture, so I will speak to the nutrition guru when I see him on Tuesday. It’s not that I’m being greedy, it’s just wrong in my opinion. And it’s taken me 20 bloody years to say that ‘This is bullshit’ to someone who is actually in a postion to make that call, and to have them say ‘Yes. Yes it is. Lets try this…’, is too fantastic an opportunity to pass up. Hopefully he’ll have some other ideas, but I’m just going to keep chugging away at it.

Oh, and I’ve worked out that gin and vodka don’t have sugar in them. . .

But after the race next week, I’m still having beer. To replenish myself, of course!

I feel really good.

Srsly. I think it’s all mental, because cutting out sugars and starches is really starting to pay off for me. For the first time ever, I’m like *normal* people – ones who lower their food intake, eat heathy and balanced meals, and excercise regularly and loose weight! Funny thing is that it would be impossible to understand unless you’ve been there, or you know me – the frustration, anger and even tears that go with doing ALL the right things, and seeing no result whatsoever.

I feel a bit teary now just thinking about how much 5 days have changed my life.

(and now I’ve probably jinxed myself – but I’m going to enjoy it for today anyway!)

Well…

That was interesting. I had my appt with the dietician today. In a nutshell he thinks a) I’m a very interesting case, and b) I have a food intolerence.

Did you know that post nasal drip indicates something is amiss? I didn’t know that. And sleeplessness? Me neither.

After grilling me for 30 minutes, he spent the next 15 explaining the glucose-insulin relationship, and the fat storage/liver function/muscle fuel thingy. Which was all very interesting, and eulicadates on his theory that I have too much insulin … equals too much glucose… equals glucose into storage in fat cell… equals too much in blood equals no breakdown of fat cells by the liver equals something else.

So, what he’s trying, is no sugar for a week. No starchy stuff (rice, potatoes, pasta, white bread). Breakfast is oats or a meal replacement shake, and lunch is what I usually have or a meal replacement shake (I only plan on having one per day, so will alternate). I have a mid morning snack of macadamia nuts (50g) and an afternoon snack of yoghurt (uber low sugar stuff) or a pc of fruit. Dinner is as per usual, with 3 cups of salad or vegetables (I didn’t even finish it tonight, I was over full!). He plans on me losing 1.5kg in 2 weeks. I told him he’s dreaming. Apparently it should be easy to lose that in that time, and people normally lose around 3kg. Mhmm. It’ll either come off, or it won’t. Either way is a win for me really, so I can’t lose!

If I lose it, it just means I know how much I’m supposed to be eating… if I don’t, then we check for intolerences by taking stuff out of the diet. Sad to say I think the first to go will be carbs, followed by dairy, but that’s just my own personal opinion. Be interesting to see if there are other food groups that can be excluded! I just count myself lucky that he could write out a diet for me and when he asked me if it was achievable, I could say – No problem. The only thing I have to give up is a little rice, a little potatoe, alcohol (but I’m trying not to dwell on that one!), the occasional juice and sweet treat.

I really am lucky.

unreal.

Yesterday, I stuffed myself like a loon. Chocolate cake, milk, chocolate, cheese, cheese shape biscuits, celery, chicken (anyone else feeling a theme here??), rice, 2 shakes even… and put on 100g.

This ‘eating more to lose weight’ is doing my head in. In fact, I’m thinking it’s the hardest thing in the world to do. Every fibre knows that you don’t need it to function (okay, so that’s in a *ideal* world, where maintenance is the norm), and yet you have to eat it. I don’t like doing it, I’d rather keep eating small, healthy well balanced meals… but then I won’t lose weight. ARGH!

Today I’m on duty again, so there’s no exercise, and I’ve eaten more today than I would normally – and that’s with trying hard. Bacon and eggs for breakfast (twice even!), kiwifruit, chicken wings and a potato for lunch, bread roll, tandoori chicken legs and veges for dinner, followed up by custard and a berry pastry of some description. I’m feeling full, a little TOO full, but not unbearably so. I would liked to have not eaten one of the legs, and the desert. Being at work there’s no scales, so that’ll have to wait until Sat – the morning of the 10 miler (that I don’t care if I have to drug myself stupid for, I’m going to do it, even if I have to walk it!). And tomorrow is PT. Touch or some such shit. I think I’ll go for a walk…

 

I give up.

I felt the need to carb up yesterday after the run… I ate cheese and crackers, some vegemite and lettuce sandwhiches, a bowl of museli, a strawberry yoghurt and some beer. What was funny though, was that I went straight back onto black coffee this morning, and had a tin of sardines for breakfast. Lunch would’ve been perfect, but the lush grabbed a crusty bread roll for me (fresh. crusty. soft on the inside. = perfect), which is what I had been hanging out for the other day – if you’re going to have an oops, make it worth it, and make it satisfying. Like me and strawberry Krispy Kreme doughnuts. If you’re going to do it, do it well!

So, it would appear that I am ‘back on the wagon’, apart from yesterdays cave in. Maybe if I just have one normal meal a week (or a treat. How pathetic am I that a treat for me is a yoghurt or a bowl of museli. Why can’t I be like normal people and have a piece of cake or KFC?).

Todays exercise was a cardio session, and while my legs were a little stiff after yesterday, they were a lot stiffer this afternoon after that session. Why is it alway the running??????

The results still aren’t up for the race – meh – but according to the paper today, all I need to do to win is drop an hour off my time. Boy oh boy. Think I’ll look at running the whole way next time. Baby steps…