I’m not happy.

I have spent the best part of 6 months being very thoughtful about what I ate. I know what’s not good for me, and I know that having some junk food every once in a while won’t kill me.

So why is it that for the past three days, I have been unable to get full? I know how much I should be eating – I know the signs that my body makes when it needs more meat (usually ‘Hmm. I need to eat steak tonight’) or more greens (usually ‘Hmmm. I need to eat more greens tonight’), so why is it that for the past three days, I haven’t been able to fill up? It’s not like I have a craving for anything in particular (or if I do, it’s so obscure I don’t know what I would need to eat to meet that need, therefore the multivitamin and mineral tab I’ve been eating should take care of any of those). I am not hungry – I know I’ve had enough to eat and my stomach’s not making hungry noises, so why eat so much? And bread? Which I can usually say no to. Why?

The only thing I’ve done is more exercise. Which doesn’t really make sense, because I’ve done it before and not had this problem. I don’t *think* it’s my willpower, I know it’s not good for me. I can’t be eating properly… I need to go back to basics and look at what I’m eating and do it right.

I really don’t need this right now. I have to go away for three weeks, to where my meals are cooked for me and are at set meal times. No snacks provided. I hope to buy my own while I’m there, but I probably won’t get out to the shops for a week so I will have to take it all down with me. If this eating rubbish keeps it up for three weeks I will have to go and see the doc. I am annoyed and I am stressed.

And I am DEFINITELY not happy.

(one theory I am trying to work on is the type of exercise I’ve been doing is having an affect: circuits. The muscle that I am building needs to have more glucose, which the reduction of fat and low sugar diet can’t provide, so I’m eating more to fuel more muscle. Soon it will even itself out and go back to normal – once those stores are up. Carb loading to the extreme. I think I need to work on that a bit more…)

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Woke up exhausted today…

and despite waking just about every night for hours, and usually waking up tired, this was an absolutely exhausted waking.

I’m not mentally in a bad place, so it can’t be depression or variants thereof… and I certainly haven’t done anything physically taxing, which is a different ‘in your bones’ exhaustion… it’s a more of an ‘I’m completely fucked and can’t move my ass’ kind of exhaustion. The only thing I can put it down to is my eating habits of late – although generally healthy, I’ve not been eating anywhere near enough greens or vegetables in the past week.

I was sposed to be going to the gym with my friend today. I spent an hour devising a nasty routine yesterday. It took me half an hour to drink my coffee. I don’t *feel* sick, but I really want to roll over and sleep again, so I begged off. We’re buying a new car today – that should be exciting enough for anyone, but I want to put my head under a pillow… The man of my dreams made me breakfast. Liver and bacon and onions, and although I wasn’t hungry (which is wrong, cos it’s past breakfast time), I took a mouthful and chewed. And it was the best breakfast ever, and I devoured the lot in minutes – so I’m thinking ‘Maybe I’m not eating properly, and maybe I need to keep an eye on that’.

I’m still tired, but I think I can function. Hell, I hope so. We’ve got a car to buy!

 

Well…

That was interesting. I had my appt with the dietician today. In a nutshell he thinks a) I’m a very interesting case, and b) I have a food intolerence.

Did you know that post nasal drip indicates something is amiss? I didn’t know that. And sleeplessness? Me neither.

After grilling me for 30 minutes, he spent the next 15 explaining the glucose-insulin relationship, and the fat storage/liver function/muscle fuel thingy. Which was all very interesting, and eulicadates on his theory that I have too much insulin … equals too much glucose… equals glucose into storage in fat cell… equals too much in blood equals no breakdown of fat cells by the liver equals something else.

So, what he’s trying, is no sugar for a week. No starchy stuff (rice, potatoes, pasta, white bread). Breakfast is oats or a meal replacement shake, and lunch is what I usually have or a meal replacement shake (I only plan on having one per day, so will alternate). I have a mid morning snack of macadamia nuts (50g) and an afternoon snack of yoghurt (uber low sugar stuff) or a pc of fruit. Dinner is as per usual, with 3 cups of salad or vegetables (I didn’t even finish it tonight, I was over full!). He plans on me losing 1.5kg in 2 weeks. I told him he’s dreaming. Apparently it should be easy to lose that in that time, and people normally lose around 3kg. Mhmm. It’ll either come off, or it won’t. Either way is a win for me really, so I can’t lose!

If I lose it, it just means I know how much I’m supposed to be eating… if I don’t, then we check for intolerences by taking stuff out of the diet. Sad to say I think the first to go will be carbs, followed by dairy, but that’s just my own personal opinion. Be interesting to see if there are other food groups that can be excluded! I just count myself lucky that he could write out a diet for me and when he asked me if it was achievable, I could say – No problem. The only thing I have to give up is a little rice, a little potatoe, alcohol (but I’m trying not to dwell on that one!), the occasional juice and sweet treat.

I really am lucky.