Sunday already??

I slept like a rock! Literally – I still feel like I’m asleep even after a coffee, and that’s not a good feeling!

Went to see the Hunger Games last night, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Having said that, I haven’t read the book… my daughter has, and she was less than impressed with the movie. She also liked Avatar though, so I’m saying she gets her odd taste in movies off her father ūüôā Still not sure if I’d buy the movie on DVD (maybe I will), but I wouldn’t go to see it again at the flicks. Mind you, there aren’t many I’d see more than once (George of the Jungle and The Wall being the leaders to date), but it was an okay 2.5 hours. Seen much worse.

And I ate an icecream, and shared some popcorn. I wasn’t going to, and then remembered I’d been looking forward to it all bloody week, and that I’d most likely regret it later and eat shit to compensate – so I ate it. And I’m heavier this morning, but I don’t regret it cos it was damn fine! And now, I’m getting my gear on, and going for a waddle ūüôā

Wish me luck!!

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Enough is enough.

I have spent the better part of the past two months making excuses for my eating and lack of exercise, and I’m over it.

I’m heavier. I’m flabbier. I’m eating badly. I’m not exercising properly. ¬†I’m not enjoying my life (or my body) as much as I did a few months back. And I’m sick of it.

‘Because I’m going away’ should not be an excuse.
‘Because I’m away’ should not be an excuse.
‘Because I’m back’ should not be an excuse.

In fact, not only should they not be an excuse, I will not allow ANY of the above to be an excuse anymore Рnot for my eating, nor for my exercise.  They can be challenges, but my god, they will not be excuses! No more!!

This week for example – I was feeling sluggish and not comfy in my body. Yesterday, I thought I’d eaten relatively well by dinner, then I looked back and looked critically at it. For breakfast, I had Allbran and milk. Many people would think ‘And??’, but I know that Allbran has too much sugar in it for me, and too many calories. Cows milk I’m not supposed to drink (and boy, the snot this morning running down my throat reminded me very insistently!). Piece of fruit for morning tea, and my nuts. Check – that much is okay. Before lunch, a meal replacement shake. Not so bad, but then I went and ate lunch as well. Not a big lunch, and at least I managed to resist the bread for the first time in days, but I really needed to have one or the other, not both. Afternoon snack – two twin packs of biscuits and a piece of cake (little serves in packets). Again, not bad for many people, for me – complete bullshit. Didn’t need to eat them, didn’t even particularly want them, but they were there. Why? Cos I grabbed them myself when I left the mess (food hall) at lunch. After work, a peanut butter and jam sandwhich on my fav seeded bread. Mhmm. Maybe for lunch, but not as a ‘just because I like eating it’ snack – that’s just CRAZY!! Out to dinner before a show: he had creamy pasta, I had pizza. Proper pizza… thin and crispy base with not much on top. Again, not bad, but given I had more than half of it, again, waaaay too excessive.

I did not bust my ass off to lose weight by eating well and exercising only to sabotage myself. That’s how I got overweight and sad in the first place! Denial. So, the denial is over. There are no excuses, there is only myself. I am responsible for what I do and how I behave, and I am answerable only to myself. I deserve better than what I am letting myself be at the moment, and it’s time to change.

I have two weeks left before I go away for the better part of four months. That’ll be four months of having no time to myself, of having meals prepared for me (if I’m really unlucky. If I’m lucky then we’ll have individual rations – at least I get to pick what I want to eat and when!), of eating food that’s designed for people doing strenuous labour, not sitting on your ass on a computer for 13hrs a day, of three choices of carb in the one meal. Of not being able to run (some say we will do some running, personally I’ve never had the time or the opportunity), of not being able to train properly. Of not being able to SHOWER after any activity I will get to manage!

Currently I’m looking up activities I can do using my own body weight, and thinking short bursts of activity over the course of a day might be the thing to plan at this stage – remembering I’ll have boots and a uniform on… so no jumping jacks (hate those fuckers anyway, even in bare feet!), plus the ground is likely to be rocky. The other thing I’m going to do is take a tape measure. I’ll measure all of me before I go, and just keep an eye on one or two measurements while I’m out there. ¬†That will have to suffice.

Okay, enough. My mind is made up, and I’m made of steel. Time to move on.

Thursday is over!

And a much better day than yesterday… must be the alignment of the stars or some such, but I felt in a better mood, and better physically, than yesterday –¬†despite having my deep sleep¬†interrupted¬†by the daughters boyfriend turning up on the doorstep due to locking himself out of his unit. Oh well, ce la vie.

¬†Went for a little waddle this morning to shake out the cobwebs, and did 5K without thinking too much about it. I like that distance, it’s comfy. It was slow – like halfa speed slow, but I wasn’t out to impress anyone. That killed my eating frenzy from yesterday, and I did pretty good today. I did have a little two pack of biscuits around afternoon tea time, but in my defence, I did turn down a piece of cherry chocolate gateau earlier in the day (my fav, I might add!). For lunch I had some carrot/sweet potato miso soup made last night (I ate it cold. Yup, I’m *that* lazy), and dinner was ‘spag bol’, made with buckwheat pasta. Considering I said I wasn’t hungry half an hour before, I inhaled the first bowl, then steamed some beans to go with the second bowl. I don’t know what he did to it, but it was delicious!

I was planning on having some yoghurt and berries for dessert, but I think tonight I’m going to listen to my body – and right now, it’s telling me it’s FULL!

Hopefully the scales will like me a bit more tomorrow, seeming as it’s weigh in day.

My bad…

I have been getting a bit¬†blas√©¬†with blogging lately – but I assure you I’m still here, and still thinking about it – just not doing it. My bad.

The ride to work went very well. I’d estimated it would take me about 45 minutes (he’d take less normally, due to the fact he’s a. younger b. fitter and c. has a bike with gears), and came in pretty much on time. Interestingly enough, the ride home was uphill (well, there was a¬†definite¬†up slope!) and into a head wind, plus I had already ridden there and done my half hour in the gym (I was norty. She said ‘Up weight or reps’, so I did both. And cos I did, she had to. And could only manage two rounds instead of three. My bad again. hehehe), yet the time was about the same. I had a sore butt from the seat – I hope the calluses come back pretty quick smart!

Tomorrow’s my first day back after what has seemed like forever off work, ¬†yet has only been two weeks. I’m glad, because I’m feeling relatively refreshed – although I daresay that will have worn off by the end of the month. I’ll take the car in tomorrow as I have to take my uniforms in, but I intend to ride at least one day each week, to save on fuel costs rather than any exercise value (that’s just a little added bonus!). I’ve been shopping for my lunch stuff already, so I should be all good to go. I plan on doing PT each morning (maybe not when I ride, I’ll see how I hold up), and shall attempt to remain of good cheer and mental flexibility. If nothing else, I shall try and at least *start* the day with empathy, enthusiasm and energy. Mhmm. We’ll see how long it takes me to forget that…

Eating wise, I’m trying to cut back on the starches again, to see how that affects my weight. I’m doing okay with the maintaining so far, but I feel I could do with being a bit less flabby, so there’s still some way to go. I came across the USDA National Nutrient Database for Standard Reference today, as I was looking for information on vegetables and their starch content. What a treasure trove of information! I was looking at the myriad of information types, and pages, and tables and graphs – hours later I had to peel myself away… there’s so much there, plus I’m yet to delve into the agricultural side of it, which I also have an interest in. I’ll be going back there repeatedly, I can see that! As for the vegetables, I’m just going to wing it. I’ll look at what’s ‘better’ and eat more of that, and if it’s ‘worse’, then I’ll eat less of it. I think if I leave out the whole grain stuff for a while that will have an affect – if not, then it’s not that, and I’ll go back to eating it. Sounds like a plan?

Today:

I did no exercise. I thought about it, but I didn’t do it.

Tomorrow, however, is our long planned bike ride to work – it’s around 14K each way, and then an hour work out in the gym – power hour! – then cycle home. We’re just doing it to see how the times go, seeming as how I start work next week again, and I’m determined to ride at least ONE day per week. Hopefully more, but I’m not willing to commit as yet. Found my bike helmet today so I can look like a complete twat, and we’ll pick up some lights and a basket on the way home when the shops are open. Best we don’t spike any tyres, as it’s a decent walk home again… hehe

 

It’s quite funny

I think I’ve started off the new year really well, and I’m very pleased with myself… then I realise that it’s only Jan 3rd, and I’ve only just woken up. How is it that the year feels like it’s at least two weeks in already?!?

I’ve managed to run twice – The Race Epic on Jan 1, and another 5K last night – I did the beginner Pilates on New Years Day, but none yesterday. I really feel like I should get up and do some now, but I need to feel caffeine coursing through my veins first! Another week off work, which is just absolute bliss for me… unfortunately the lush of my life appears to have picked up the flu during his last trip down south the other day. Nose, ears, throat, aches, pains and temperature. Poor darling! It seems to be progressing at a rapid rate of knotts (as in 24hrs ago he had a ‘bit of a sore throat’), so I’m hoping (crossing fingers and toes!!) that he’ll be through the worst of it today and on the mend. He’s pretty damn healthy atm, so he’s got that in his favour, and yes, I’m biting my tongue as I write!.

There’s a couple of things I’d like to put on my wish list this year:¬†

  • The local Pilates class on Tuesday nights. One of the other ladies at work has been in the past and said she’d like to go again, so I will have company. I’m a shy, retiring creature at heart you see…
  • Orienteering. There’s a local club I’ve only just found out about (the thing in Australia I’ve found, is that no town knows how to market themselves properly, everything is buried and hidden!) who have a ‘try before you buy’ type day on 26 Jan (aka ‘Invasion Day’), so I might drag the lush along to that too. Both of us have limited compass skills over such fine distances (we don’t have a problem with back bearings or calling in air support, it’s just that there’s little requirement for the finer compass work in our jobs – we’re not humping around by foot!), so I think it’s a good opportunity for us to improve our skills, meet people (okay. to grunt and nod in the general¬†direction¬†of people other than those we work with!), and get out of the damn house!
  • Meditation. I think the time is right. I’ve been loathe to meditate in the past, as I don’t like being vulnerable… the senses are either switched off, or inward looking, and if they’re not looking out…!! I downloaded an app to my iPhone (pathetic? we’ll see.), plus one for tai chi, so I’m going to give them a go. I’ve had no luck finding a tai chi place in Darwin, which is odd given there’s a fair few Chinese here – it’s probably an underground movement! Anyhoo, perhaps it will help with my shitty sleep pattern. Anything’s worth a try I guess.

 

We’re supposed to be picking up the new car today… but I don’t know if that will happen. There’s always tomorrow… well. Usually a tomorrow… (sorry, a bit maudlin – one of the guys from running club died from a brain tumour on NYD – he was 49, and he’d had it for 2 years… Although I didn’t know him personally, being relatively close in age makes me realise that each day is precious. Maybe instead of feeling sad, I should enjoy today instead. Okay, I know I should, but it’s not that simple. Perhaps that’s what I need to focus on ūüôā

You know something? I’m not going to the gym this morning. And I’m not going running either.

You know why? Because I half feel like going. My reasoning? If I feel like half going today, then I’ll feel like fully going tomorrow, then I’ll work my ass off and give 120% instead of 40%today.

It’s my logic. It works for me…

Honestly, I’m feeling much improved over yesterday. Sometimes I think you just have to die in the ass to get back up on top again, particularly when you’re just paddling enough to keep afloat. The lush of my life has to travel away overnight again (please – NO Krispy Kremes!), so I’ve been awake since 4am to get him off to the airport. Plenty of time for me to go for a run in the ‘cool’ of the day (if 29C can be considered cool at 7am?), then the gym, then showered and off to the movies with the child and workmates. So, because I feel capable of¬†cramming¬†all of those activities into such a short time frame, I’m not going to. I know I can do it, and I know if I don’t take time off to smell the roses, then they’ll all be dead before I get around to it. Metaphorically speaking… I don’t think I’ve seen a rose plant up here!

So today, I’m going to bludge, go to the flicks, eat healthy (and no, no ice cream for me today – I got one the other week without seeing a movie, and I don’t feel like one. No popcorn either, cos there’s no off switch when it comes to movie popcorn!), maybe tidy, maybe not, finish my budget planner, cook a supah healthy dinner (and take a photo of said dinner to prove I did it. He worries that I don’t look after myself when he’s not here, and if I show him I do, then I have to do it. That’s me imposing the photo deal – keeps me honest. He knows damn well I won’t do it otherwise, he”s not silly… lol). I might think of some goals I’d like to achieve in 2012 as far as health and fitness go, but I’ve only got 2 so far. We’ll see.

It’s Christmas Day…

And it feels like pretty much the same as every other day. It’s good to be home relaxing with the family though, even though ONE of those family members wishes she could go and stay at her boyfriends place. I wouldn’t mind so much, but I don’t trust the cyclone that’s lurking around to the north of us…

Started the morning with the 8 Minute Abs of Death workout. I know why it appeared to be too easy now – it’s because every second activity makes you wish you were dead, so you need something to cool down with! The oblique crunches are the hardest – they hurt like hell from yesterday, but I will¬†persevere with them until the 9th of Jan when I get back to work. Two weeks should be long enough to see some change I’m sure, plus I’m concentrating on form and technique rather than quantity… Ha! Who am I kidding?!? At the moment I’m lucky if I can complete the exercises for a minute without breaking form! Even if I can pull that off I’ll consider myself better off!!

That was followed by 20 minutes of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred – Level 1 of course. While the exercises were relatively easy, I worked up a sweat and was glad when it was over. ¬†Lets see if I can keep that up for the whole 30 days. I get bored easily, so the lush of my life is going to do it too, or at least keep me company while I do it – that should keep me on the straight and narrow. After all, it’s only 30 days, isn’t it??

Needless to say, as it’s Christmas, we’ve eaten a bit today, even though not particularly hungry. I had sardines (in tomato sauce!) on crackers for breakfast, two poached eggs with ham for brunch, and two fruit mince pies (I like them, but this year they’re giving me a stomach ache, so next year I might leave them out), some nuts and deliciously decadent chocolates for lunch. They’re that good, you can’t eat more than 5 without feeling ill –¬†definitely¬†worth it, and luckily only once a year!!

A little tight this morning…

but not too bad. I went to the gym yesterday to help a friend get motivated. Turns out both of us went cos the other one was going – which is what it’s all about I guess.

Did 2.5ish on the dreadmill (ugh) then another 2.5ish when she arrived and had to warm up, then did her ‘Power hour’ workout. Series of 12 exercises repeated 3 times. I find repetition boring. I like working to a time, and I don’t like to have to stop what I’m doing to read what’s next, or to ‘rest’ between sets. Too impatient??¬†

But, I do like the way my muscles are sore afterwards – makes me know that I’m doing something! I don’t feel the same about the ache in my lower back though, I think it’s either squats or v holds – that indicates a distinct lack of muscle tone, and needs to be worked on in a sensible fashion. I have no hip adductor capacity either. Don’t know why, it’s just not in my¬†repertoire of actions/activities over my lifetime. Something that I also feel I should work on – although in all honesty, wtf for?? The only time I need¬†those muscles is doing gym workouts. No adductors = no gym workout = no adductors. I mean, if I was going to actually use them in my day to day life, wouldn’t I have them???

(ps. I suck at nuclear physics too. Any physics actually. I don’t use them everyday either)

*sigh*

My mother asked me why I was losing weight today.

There was nothing I could say that didn’t sound shallow. But it’s not. I’m doing it for ME.

If I could have one wish for next year – it would be that it will be as good as this year was, for every part of my life, not just the losing weight one.