Need to get back on track.

And finding it too hard. Too tired. Too hungry. Too stressed. Too lazy… I have a million excuses when I stop and think about it.

Yesterday for PT, I walked. Okay, so I walked about 4K and it was hot and humid and I was sweating muh ass off, but at the time, it was the right decision. Now, I’m not so sure.

I made the declaration as I was walking out of work yesterday that I wasn’t going to do PT this morning, that I was too busy – and as I lie here in bed at (holy shit Batman – srsly??) 4am, I’m thinking I’m just making excuses. The pissed offedness I feel with work at the moment is *my* problem. They’re not going to change. And all it’s going to do is eat away at me until I’m strung out and miserable and start affecting my wonderful home life – so I need to change the way I’m looking at it. What I really need to do is be able to “woooo-saaaah”, and just say “fuck it. this job is like that”, and just get on with my shit.

So, todays PT is supposed to be an extended session, and we’re supposed to live in PT gear for the rest of the day, which isn’t going to work for me because yesterdays gear is still in a ball at the bottom of my bag – my bad – and I’m thinking ‘Hell, I may as well go and see what they’ve got planned. I’m not getting in any cross training at the moment, so this may be an opportunity to do some’.

The cynic in me is saying ‘They’re all too lazy to organise a basic circuit, so it’ll be minor team games. Again.’

The new improved me is thinking ‘Maybe I’m not too lazy to organise a basic circuit. Minor team games be damned. I’m taking my homies to the gym – even if it’s just 100s!’. Work be damned, it will still be there in 1 hr, in 2 hrs, next week. I miss my workouts more than I miss my work!

 

 

I am not sure if I am pleased with myself for apparently motivating myself out of my doldrums, or if it’s the insomnia talking. I’m glad I wrote it down so I can re-read it in an hour or so…

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it’s getting harder to keep up

as things become second nature… you pay things off, pay less attention, and lose sight of what you’re trying to achieve.

I’ve been good this week – despite sounding like I have given up on myself. I’ve exercised nearly every day:

Mon – short 2.7 run after work
Tue – 5k run for PT
Wed – circuits in the morning (run, situps, pushups), pilates at lunch, 5K run with the club in the evening
Thur – nada. Left my shorts at home and was sore so had a day of rest!
Fri – 4k run for PT

My eating’s been good – have eaten 3 lunches at the mess, so they’ve been a bit bigger than what I’d make for myself, but they were healthy, and certainly not over sized meals.

Yet I still fail to make much headway on the scales. I know they’re not the most important thing to me, and I’m certainly not putting it on – but I can’t help wondering what will happen when I’m not doing so much exercise. Or perhaps I only *think* I’m doing exercise?

Just because it’s more than a couch potato would do, is it really enough?

I shall be able to test this over the next few weeks. The lush of my life will be on course during the day, so it’s highly unlikely that our lunchtimes will be spent together… for the first three days of the week I will be able to do lunchtime classes at the gym, as well as the usual PT sessions in the morning. Plus, as at 31 Oct I will go back to more rigourously policed PT sessions, where I can’t just bugger off and go for a run wherever it takes me. I am missing cross training, and will need to look forward to the challenge, because otherwise I will just fucking HATE every second of it before, after and during the sessions. Which sucks balls actually and makes life harder. I like a session that is challenging, but that I’m capable of completing – and feeling proud of myself that I actually did it. Those are really good sessions.

I’m going to die. *sigh*