Where to start?

It seems like I’ve been away forever, and I’m not sure that I like that, so I’m just jumping in the deep end again. forgive me if I bore you.

I did my 12K or so run, and then went back out field. Although I tried to be ‘good’ and ‘behave’ and ‘try harder’, I failed. I put on weight just through eating too much, the wrong food, and not exercising.

Around 5 kilos all up.

And I hate  it. I hate that I was weak, and I hate that I make excuses when there really is none except my own lack of willpower and drive.  I hate that I don’t like my body anymore, whereas before I enjoyed looking at how much it had changed in the mirror, now it just looks like it did when I was unfit and very overweight. I hate that I can’t see the effort I’ve made anymore. I hate that I hate. Argh! It goes on and on and on!!

What am I going to do about it then, you may ask? Well. The first step was to get back onto the ‘eating what I’m supposed to eat’ wagon, which I’m pleased to say, has been pretty much ticked off. All I need to do is stop pretending that I can get away with the odd piece of bread here and there, and I’ll have it wrapped up.

The next step is the exercise. I will admit, I’ve been home for a few weeks now, and it’s slowly (oh.so.slowly) starting to come back to me. The past week, I’ve tried to do something everyday – which is harder than usual because we haven’t had too many PT sessions at work (so that’s an hour per day usually that I’m now working instead of exercising), and I have to make the time up after work. I’m sure you all know how hard it is exercising when you’re tired and cranky and would love to just have a beer and fall into a coma… That kinda hard. But I’ve been waddling here and there, and doing some kettlebell and tabata and sprints and ab exercises with the lush of my life (who lets me drag him into these things – poor love!), and the act of simply DOING these things is improving my mental state, if not my physical one yet. Yesterday I had the first run in three weeks that I actually enjoyed, and I’m glad I did, because it was starting to get a little disheartening (a bit like the Olympic walkers who walk faster, and further, than I run!). I will keep chipping away, and I’m sure there will be some results soon. Failing that, I’ll just keep doing it, because it suits my headspace 🙂

Finally, I need to get onto my portion size, particularly at lunch. I’ve been a bit lot lazy lately, and have been paying for lunch at the mess. While the food is usually of a very high standard, and healthy enough, I have a tendency to take more than I should.  I really will have to start making our lunches again, or get him to dish my food out instead! The other reason to make lunches of course is the cost. Although I can buy a crappy salad for $8 from the local shop (who SWEAR they’re not scalping soldiers. Mhmm. I call bullshit on that one!), lunch at the mess is $6 for a large plate of hot food, then there’s a salad bar as well… and for 2 of us, that’s $60 a fortnight, which is a carton of beer.  I’d rather spend the money on beer, despite it being bad for me. My excuse is that I’ll be drinking ‘near beer’ for the next 7 months real soon. My alter-excuse is I like near beer, and that’s just as bad for me, even if it is non alcoholic! I’m going to aim for once a fortnight treat. We’ll see how that one pans out 🙂

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Darwin City to Surf 2012

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Well, we did it, and despite missing out on running for so many months, did better than last year.

The course was a little different, but still basically the same, and the temp and humidity were perfect for a morning waddle. I was a bit worried as the humidity had been up much higher in the past few days, but it was just lovely. The change in course meant we weren’t running into the sun for any great length of time, which was a bit of a killer last year. So much for winter!

I read my notes from last year, which basically said I was running on empty from the 8K mark, so I made sure I had a meal shake an hour before. Thought I was pretty smart too, until I was hacking up the snot running down the back of my throat 5K in (sorry for the TMI there!), and it took me another 3K to realise that the shake has milk powder in it. What a dork. Wouldn’t have done much to my time I’m sure, but it kinda screwed with my chi a bit… shan’t be making that mistake again!

I took a couple of Gu in case I felt the need, and I did break one out at the 9.5/10K mark. More than giving me an added boost, it made the time go really quickly, as I was preoccupied with rolling the crap around in my mouth and then swallowing it all! The drink stations were in the wrong place for me – I think I’ll try a little hand held bottle next year for emergencies. Not that I felt like I was going to die at any time, but it was annoying.

The crowd was good and well behaved, none of the jostling or track blocking behaviours that I’ve seen in previous races. And thank fuck – NO PRAMS! Although I do wonder why they started the shorter race before the longer one, because we did run into them… even I did, so that means the guys in front who powered away must’ve been falling over them.

It was also good to see the local firies getting involved, and running in their heavy suits. At least they didn’t have to wear their boots or breathing apparatus 🙂 We will donate some money to the Make A Wish Foundation on their behalf – we don’t usually carry money when running! At the end we got Powerade and Mount Franklin water (as Powerade were the sponsors this year), and I’m ashamed to admit I sculled a red one. I know it’s the same anatomically as a can of coke, but I REALLY like the red one, and haven’t had one for over a year now, so I think maybe just this once??

He did 1:12 (last year 1:20) and I did 1:24 (last year 1:40), and I think we didn’t do too bad at all.

(and WHY, do I want to go trail running???? Now! WTF?)

Monday, Monday…

Oh what a day! 

Started off well, and then began to deteriorate 30 minutes in… My waddle this morning that I thought I was pushing myself on? Not to the point of exhaustion, but at least a decent clip? Yeah, no. Turns out it was the same as every other damn speed I do. Well, that’s not strictly true, because it’s a the faster end of the scale so I really have nothing to be down on my ass about – but it felt like I was running!

Okay. Now that I look at it, it’s not really so bad at all. My pace was 6:01 min/k, and my best to date (I think) is 5:51, then 5:57 – so it’s nothing to sneeze at. I’ll stop whinging about it now.

In other news…

I need a root canal, and apparently have done so since 2010. Shits me to tears, as it doesn’t hurt and isn’t giving me any grief, but it’s something I have to have done if I want to go and play out in the weeds with the big kids. Tell you what though, if I was paying for it, I wouldn’t be having it done! Tomorrow morning at 0730 I have to be back for it, so I’m actually lucky that he’s going to squeeze me in quickly, otherwise it’d be months away, and I wouldn’t be able to go play while I was waiting.

No running for me tomorrow. I might take my togs in to work and do something after work for a bit. Mind you, if my brain feels like tonight (ie. Like it’s been sucked out my left ear, shaken violently and put back through my right ear) then I won’t much feel like it. I need to maintain the rage though.

Today’s been pretty good on the food front. I said ‘No’ to a particularly yummy looking choc cake and custard in the fridge at work, and luckily I’d run out of mega sugary museli bars in my drawer. I really felt like miso soup, but had none on me (have fixed this by throwing two sachets in my bag for tomorrow!), and I was still strong! Lunch was a meal replacement and a very small portion of leftovers from last night, so I was happy with that. Since coming home I’ve eaten jerky (we’re making some to take with us. IF it lasts that long!) and Allbran (okay, it’s bad. I know it’s full of sugar – but it gets me going… if you know what I mean!!). Think I’ll have another shake for dinner and some veges. I’ll take the chicken for lunch tomorrow – assuming I’m up to chewing that is!

Sunday over already??

Well, that was a fun day! Started off by going for a 5k waddle this morning… For some reason I chose to do a workout rather than a free run, and it’s got me stuffed why, because I always find I’m disgruntled for some reason or another, and today it was TOO SLOW! I need to tweak my zones. Sounds self indulgent I know, but there you have it; my blue is too big and too slow, and my green not big enough. Bleh. Anyhoo, I kept going at the end of the 18 minutes and went for distance – I accidentally included that 100m I missed on yesterdays distance too!

While it was by no means spectacular, at least it was 5K under 30 mins. I want to do it in 28, but I’m still 4-500m off usually at that time. I’ll crack it by the end of the year – I hope!!

Sunday already??

I slept like a rock! Literally – I still feel like I’m asleep even after a coffee, and that’s not a good feeling!

Went to see the Hunger Games last night, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Having said that, I haven’t read the book… my daughter has, and she was less than impressed with the movie. She also liked Avatar though, so I’m saying she gets her odd taste in movies off her father 🙂 Still not sure if I’d buy the movie on DVD (maybe I will), but I wouldn’t go to see it again at the flicks. Mind you, there aren’t many I’d see more than once (George of the Jungle and The Wall being the leaders to date), but it was an okay 2.5 hours. Seen much worse.

And I ate an icecream, and shared some popcorn. I wasn’t going to, and then remembered I’d been looking forward to it all bloody week, and that I’d most likely regret it later and eat shit to compensate – so I ate it. And I’m heavier this morning, but I don’t regret it cos it was damn fine! And now, I’m getting my gear on, and going for a waddle 🙂

Wish me luck!!

Thursday is over!

And a much better day than yesterday… must be the alignment of the stars or some such, but I felt in a better mood, and better physically, than yesterday – despite having my deep sleep interrupted by the daughters boyfriend turning up on the doorstep due to locking himself out of his unit. Oh well, ce la vie.

 Went for a little waddle this morning to shake out the cobwebs, and did 5K without thinking too much about it. I like that distance, it’s comfy. It was slow – like halfa speed slow, but I wasn’t out to impress anyone. That killed my eating frenzy from yesterday, and I did pretty good today. I did have a little two pack of biscuits around afternoon tea time, but in my defence, I did turn down a piece of cherry chocolate gateau earlier in the day (my fav, I might add!). For lunch I had some carrot/sweet potato miso soup made last night (I ate it cold. Yup, I’m *that* lazy), and dinner was ‘spag bol’, made with buckwheat pasta. Considering I said I wasn’t hungry half an hour before, I inhaled the first bowl, then steamed some beans to go with the second bowl. I don’t know what he did to it, but it was delicious!

I was planning on having some yoghurt and berries for dessert, but I think tonight I’m going to listen to my body – and right now, it’s telling me it’s FULL!

Hopefully the scales will like me a bit more tomorrow, seeming as it’s weigh in day.

Tuesday: Doneski!

Rose early with the intent that today was ‘Ride to Work’ day. Realised about 20 mins before leaving home that I have no lights for my bike – and it was still pitch black. After assessing the situation (ie googling the local sunrise time and the fact that people in Darwin rarely ride with helmets, let alone lights), we decided it was safe enough to ride in on the bike track, rather than the road (I don’t bounce well).

So off we set. The temperature was bearable, there was enough light to see the path (and oncoming cyclists without lights!), and it was lovely. Got to work in a reasonable time, and did a slow 5K run for PT. Tried my first informal spin class at lunchtime, and have decided that there is no way I will EVER enjoy that crap. All the water I imbibed after my ride and run – gone. It wasn’t even hard, and I was struggling. I will do better next time, now that I know what it involves, and yes, I WILL do it again. But I won’t like it. Oh, and then we did 8 minute abs after that, just so we could feel REALLY incompetent and unfit! *sigh*

My day was spent largely avoiding work again. I’m now pretty much down to counting how many hours I can get away with it, and I spent some of those hours looking into triathalons. I’ve decided I’d like to do a ‘try-tri’ – there’s no way I could swim 750m, and I refuse to pay the association money for a one off thing, so I’ll make my own shit up. I’m good like that. The goal shall be to swim-bike-run, just to see how it feels. It’s supposed to be less strain on the body than single activities, and less injuries are sustained by triatheletes. Apparently. According to the bible Wikipedia anyway – which is good enough for me! No idea of when said event shall occur or over what distances, I shall have to give it some more thought.

After my peaceful work day and early knock off, the lush of my life and I set out on our return trip. Given that it was pleasant enough this morning, there was no reason to think that it wouldn’t be similar on our return. Mhmm. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is where we went wrong. Not only did we have to take the long way (due to the side gate being closed due to the early departure time), it’s uphill. Not hugely, but that slow, slight, never fucking ending uphill that makes you want to rip the arms and legs off teddy bears. And to make matters worse, there was a strong headwind. Worse  still, it was a hot headwind. It was GROSS. The lovely ride we had this morning, was uphill for large straights – didn’t even notice the downhill on the way in, that’s how slight it was. Sure as shit wasn’t that slight on the way home!

Anyway, we beat the storm home. It started to spit as we pulled into the house, and that’s actually all it did. For all it’s piss and blustery bullshit, there wasn’t a decent drop of rain in it.

Darwin is SUCH a funny place. I love it here.

 

Well, I got up and ran.

And yes, I feel much better for having done it.

I needed to – I haven’t run for 2 whole days, and it feels like a year! Running in the morning is a great way to start the day for me, mentally.  If I do nothing else all day, at least I know I got off my ass and ran 5K this morning. I plan to do other things today too, so I now just have to make sure I do them.

 

You know something? I’m not going to the gym this morning. And I’m not going running either.

You know why? Because I half feel like going. My reasoning? If I feel like half going today, then I’ll feel like fully going tomorrow, then I’ll work my ass off and give 120% instead of 40%today.

It’s my logic. It works for me…

Honestly, I’m feeling much improved over yesterday. Sometimes I think you just have to die in the ass to get back up on top again, particularly when you’re just paddling enough to keep afloat. The lush of my life has to travel away overnight again (please – NO Krispy Kremes!), so I’ve been awake since 4am to get him off to the airport. Plenty of time for me to go for a run in the ‘cool’ of the day (if 29C can be considered cool at 7am?), then the gym, then showered and off to the movies with the child and workmates. So, because I feel capable of cramming all of those activities into such a short time frame, I’m not going to. I know I can do it, and I know if I don’t take time off to smell the roses, then they’ll all be dead before I get around to it. Metaphorically speaking… I don’t think I’ve seen a rose plant up here!

So today, I’m going to bludge, go to the flicks, eat healthy (and no, no ice cream for me today – I got one the other week without seeing a movie, and I don’t feel like one. No popcorn either, cos there’s no off switch when it comes to movie popcorn!), maybe tidy, maybe not, finish my budget planner, cook a supah healthy dinner (and take a photo of said dinner to prove I did it. He worries that I don’t look after myself when he’s not here, and if I show him I do, then I have to do it. That’s me imposing the photo deal – keeps me honest. He knows damn well I won’t do it otherwise, he”s not silly… lol). I might think of some goals I’d like to achieve in 2012 as far as health and fitness go, but I’ve only got 2 so far. We’ll see.