Why?

For the love of anything… how do I stop myself from being down on the scales being heavier today?

I ate very well yesterday, tyvm. The only ‘dubious’ foods may be a banana, and three Ryvita crackers. Everything else was fine, and no way overboard. I did 20 mins of Pilates, 40 pushups in 1:49, skipped for 3 mins and ran 4K. I think I drank plenty of fluids; although I stopped keeping track of drinking ages ago, I generally know when I haven’t been having enough, and yesterday was not one of those days.

So how is it that I am heavier?

Well, I’m feeling the workouts I did yesterday – my upper back and arms are feeling stong (it’s not a’ hurt’, and not really a ‘tight’, more of an ‘awareness they’re there’, so ‘strong’ will do!), so *maybe* it’s muscle.

Why am I worrying about 300g?
Oh, I don’t know. In the grand scheme of things it’s pretty pathetic. It’s just disappointing to know you’re doing things right, and it doesn’t work. First world problem? Absolutely!

What am I doing about it?
I think ‘nothing’ sounds like an option. I’ve a mind to do things exactly the same as yesterday, minus the Ryvita and banana, but then again it sounds a little obsessive, and I think I really don’t want to head down that path (oh, but I will go there if you don’t come off weight!! *shakes fist at the sky*)

Am I going to let it screw up my day?
Nope. After realising that there are way more things in life I should be concerned with other than a paltry 300g, and that there was nothing yesterday I would do differently (oh fuck it. If I’d’ve known I’d be heavier, I would’ve eaten that bloody tomato and onion sandwich I wanted for lunch!), I shall just continue on with my life.

(but it’s bloody infuriating. Maybe it was the rice from two days ago. Does that happen??)

Advertisements

this week’s not been too bad actually

I’m pleasantly surprised.

Sunday was a quick 1.5K run and a paddle around the pool,
Monday was a nothing day I think. Don’t remember resting, but I guess I did
Tuesday was a 4.6K run in 29:18 the morning (Oh the humidity!!), plus MMA circuits (far too many squats – and kettle bells? keep those suckers!)
Wednesday was Cardio circuits at the gym in the morning (with Mr Squats again!!), plus pilates for lunch.
Thursday was a LSD after lunch – 5.5K in 38:37. In 33 degree heat. DAMN HOT!

Tomorrow we have another 8K forced march in 1:30. I’m not going to lie when I say I am NOT looking forward to it in the slightest, esp with the hammering my legs have had this week. I will however, give it a crack, and give it my best shot. If that’s not good enough, fuck them. I don’t care.

Here’s my weekly roundup in the wrong page. Meh. My blog – sue me.

a. My quads are killing me. I am walking like a troll so I don’t have to use my thigh muscles. And this afternoon – my abs are sore. Didn’t know I had any, so I’m thinking something in the circuits is doing me some good. I’ll attempt to keep it up while the lush is away on course, and maybe con him into going after he gets back.

b. Yesterday was my first experience at pilates. Some chick I never met before was leaning over me pushing my legs straight up towards my head as I was lying on my back. I’d like to think she’d buy me dinner before getting up so close and personal, but oh well. I don’t know if I liked it, but people rave about it, and I know stretching is good for me. On the plus side, it’s free. And it’s once a week, so that’s another thing I’m going to try and keep up.

c. I can handle running in the heat, as long as I:

  1. Don’t eat so much before I go. Two lunches worth is NOT the way to go,
  2. Hydrate constantly beforehand. All damn day. Till it’s coming out my ears, and
  3. Remember that I will run slower, feel worse and probably hate at least the second half. It’s about DOING, not about breaking records.

d. I think I’d like to give swimming another go – but I don’t like those earplugs I have. The cap is groovy, but the earplugs are a little hard. I wonder if squishy sound plugs will work? Maybe I’ll visit the sports shop on the weekend…

e. I seem to have not lost any weight on the scales this week, but I definately feel better now that I’m finding my groove again. Been hungry this week too, which is okay, but I’ve been eating, which isn’t so good. At least I’ve been eating the right foods, just more than what I’d usually eat. Guess you have to take the hungry with the not hungry. It’ll even out I’m sure. Hopefully the scales are like that because I’ve put on so much muscle doing squats and pilates (mhmm – an hour class will do that to a gal!), but I’m not worried. I feel good 🙂

Why am I doing this?

**reblogged fm my tumblr…

Over the years, I got larger, as many many people do – like millions of others I had a child, I gave up smoking, I had periods of stress in my life.

However, I have watched what I have eaten for many years, and while not *perfect*, I knew in myself it was pretty good (for lack of another word) – balanced, lower fat, lower carbs etc.etc. Over the last 3 years I have been exercising regularly, but it has increased over the last six months (due to picking up the running bug in my own time!), and I have been making a more determined effort to eat better/less/exercise more.

I’m overweight. Unhealthy weight. Unhappy weight. I wanted it gone, so I could hopefully be around for a few more years (it’s amazing what having a younger lush in your life does!). I have never lost weight easily. I am the kind of person who can starve themselves, exercise like crazy, and nothing budges. I worked super hard, and I lost 5kg in 6 months. While this in itself was amazing, I’ve never worked so hard or so long at this before – I knew what I was putting in, and I knew what I was putting out, and the two weren’t compatible. It’s just not fair that people can lose 20lbs in a month by having meal replacements, or by giving up coke, or junk food. I’m sorry, I’m really happy for people that can do that, truly I am, but on the inside I think ‘Why not me?’ Why can I eat sweet fuck all and run 12K and not lose weight?

So I went to my doctor and said ‘Enough’. So she sent me to the nutrition guru. Who told me that there was something wrong with the way my body processes glucose, and that there was something that we could do about it. I almost cried. For once, someone wasn’t just saying ‘Eat less, exercise more’, or ‘Eat this’, ‘Don’t eat that’. There was actually something wrong with me. And it can be fixed. I’ve never been a person for fads, or exclusionary diets (ie. The Paleo Diet Challenge by 125 got the ass 6 days in!), and like I said my diet is very balanced, but then he explained that I had to not eat certain foods to teach my body to use what it has already.

For two weeks, I had to give up starches and sugar. No flour, bread, rice, pasta, sugar, juice, cordial – a little fruit. I had to increase vegetables (you tried eating 3 cups of vegetables with dinner lately? Waaaaay more than what I’d usually eat!), eat macadamia nuts and yoghurt daily. And I lost 3.5kg in the first week. For a while there, I thought that I was going to have to go back and say I was starting to feel like a chemo patient, but then in the second week, the weight just blipped up and down half a kilo or so… Today I had my review. And today I was reminded about my post nasal drip, and asked if it had gotten worse. Yes it had actually, a few days last week it was bad during running in the morning, and this morning – but I put that down to a glass of milk I had yesterday evening. One glass. In two weeks. Then he said ‘How would you feel if I told you that post nasal drip is stopping you from losing weight?’. I couldn’t lie. I had to say ‘Pretty fucking crumby’. A teeny wedge of Brie has been my treat to me. Gotta stop. The yoghurt I had to eat for afternoon tea? Gotta stop. Along with white coffee. The meal replacements I was allowed to eat if I was too busy/lazy to eat real food? Gone. Fuck it. At least I have been doing the soy thing on my oats, and I can drink black coffee. And green tea. Think I’m going to start putting gin in the diet though…

Once we know how various foods affect me, then we can start putting stuff back in. I’m not going to be doing this forever, it’s all about learning what makes me function better. You know what? I feel the best I’ve felt in years. Mentally and physically. My body is not so creaky, and I know I can do more, because I can do anything! It’s not all about losing the weight, that is just the indicator that something is not right, and I’m going to fix it.

I got this shit.

I feel really good.

Srsly. I think it’s all mental, because cutting out sugars and starches is really starting to pay off for me. For the first time ever, I’m like *normal* people – ones who lower their food intake, eat heathy and balanced meals, and excercise regularly and loose weight! Funny thing is that it would be impossible to understand unless you’ve been there, or you know me – the frustration, anger and even tears that go with doing ALL the right things, and seeing no result whatsoever.

I feel a bit teary now just thinking about how much 5 days have changed my life.

(and now I’ve probably jinxed myself – but I’m going to enjoy it for today anyway!)

Today

I’ve spent trying to eat more. Two beers at the end of the day, and I just feel like a) a blob, and b) a failure. I don’t want dinner. I’m not hungry.

Please stand by while we rectify the problem…

I did squash for ,almost an hour by myself – I worked out you get to run twice as far, but you have an advantage in knowing where the ball should go. Cancelled by the fact you can’t hit the damn thing straight anyway, and multiplied by the wussy hits. All in all? I know what the sore spot is on the heel of my hand now… And I get better every time I hit the damn thing.

4.something something

Ugh. I’m glad I did PT this morning, because I surely don’t feel like it this afternoon.

We did sprints (yeah, no. think ‘jogging’) and stuff. Stuff being pushups and squats and side crunches, interspersed with more running. If nothing else, I got my heart rate up and all hot and sweaty, and I really think I managed to run a little faster between activities. Then again, I could’ve been kidding myself.

Dinner was home made pizzas on wrap bread, and I think I really would like another one, but I’ll ignore the groaning belly for at least half an hour before I act on it. Had a stinking headache all day, and didn’t drink anywhere near enough water I’m sure. Meh. My body’d better htfu!

Tomorrow morning is squash training – whatever the hell that will involve. I shall promise myself that if it’s not hard enough, then I WILL do something after work. Not sure what, but something.

(on a side note, the scales are still my friend. The highs and the lows are both lower than a month ago, so I must be doing something right. The tricky part will be to find the balance to make it sustainable in the long term, because this is more than weight loss, more than diet, and more than getting healthy. This is going to be my lifestyle.)