I am still alive…

Just trying to get back on the bandwagon.

Had that week of gastro yuck, where I had to eat meal replacement shakes and toast and not much else. Scales went down, but it’s a bullshit reduction largely based on muscle loss, so I wasn’t unhappy when they went up again as I recovered.

Then my mother came to visit for 4 days (haven’t seen her for three years, so it was very nice :), and while my eating wasn’t really even what I’d call ‘unhealthy’ or ‘overeating’, it was not the right stuff for me (ie potatoes and cheese), nor the right amount – although I did temper it a lot by making reasonable choices and trying to look at the portion size, I felt like I’d eaten too much, and coupled with two weeks of inactivity, I was feeling fat and bloated…

So today when I went to the diet dood, I didn’t want to weigh myself. I just spent ten minutes talking to him about what I did and realised that it really wasn’t *that* bad. It took verbalising it to realise that how I behaved, was exactly like a ‘normal’ person would – how I would have behaved before I started being careful with what I was eating. One day I will be ‘normal’ again, and I’ll have to deal with it, so I manned up, and got on the scales. In two weeks, with gastro, no exercise and too much food, I lost 1 kg in two weeks. According to him anyway. It also said that I had lost 3% body fat, which I think is just bullshit (and told him as much. He said it’s so variable, unless we do it under the same conditions every time, then it’s not a good measure!).

The point of the exercise is:

  • It’s about the journey, not the destination.
  • Even when you think you’ve failed, sometimes it’s not failing at all.
  • The choices we make count.

I thought I has screwed up, but I’m lucky I don’t suffer from binge eating or emotional eating. I don’t have snacks in my house, and I’m over buying them at the shop.  I try and eat what I know I should eat… sometimes I eat stuff that’s not so good for me, but as long as it’s the exception rather than the rule, then it’s fine. I still have a way to go, but it’s more about how I feel and what I look like rather than how much I weigh. I use the scales as a tool to make sure I’m going in the right direction, and so far, so good.

The challenge for the next 5 weeks is the three weeks I will spend away from home, being served deep fried everything. I told the diet dood that I will rise to the challenge, and loose half a kilogram between now and 13 Feb – I needed a goal so I just plucked one out of my ass. We’ll see how I go 🙂

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My bad…

I have been getting a bit blasé with blogging lately – but I assure you I’m still here, and still thinking about it – just not doing it. My bad.

The ride to work went very well. I’d estimated it would take me about 45 minutes (he’d take less normally, due to the fact he’s a. younger b. fitter and c. has a bike with gears), and came in pretty much on time. Interestingly enough, the ride home was uphill (well, there was a definite up slope!) and into a head wind, plus I had already ridden there and done my half hour in the gym (I was norty. She said ‘Up weight or reps’, so I did both. And cos I did, she had to. And could only manage two rounds instead of three. My bad again. hehehe), yet the time was about the same. I had a sore butt from the seat – I hope the calluses come back pretty quick smart!

Tomorrow’s my first day back after what has seemed like forever off work,  yet has only been two weeks. I’m glad, because I’m feeling relatively refreshed – although I daresay that will have worn off by the end of the month. I’ll take the car in tomorrow as I have to take my uniforms in, but I intend to ride at least one day each week, to save on fuel costs rather than any exercise value (that’s just a little added bonus!). I’ve been shopping for my lunch stuff already, so I should be all good to go. I plan on doing PT each morning (maybe not when I ride, I’ll see how I hold up), and shall attempt to remain of good cheer and mental flexibility. If nothing else, I shall try and at least *start* the day with empathy, enthusiasm and energy. Mhmm. We’ll see how long it takes me to forget that…

Eating wise, I’m trying to cut back on the starches again, to see how that affects my weight. I’m doing okay with the maintaining so far, but I feel I could do with being a bit less flabby, so there’s still some way to go. I came across the USDA National Nutrient Database for Standard Reference today, as I was looking for information on vegetables and their starch content. What a treasure trove of information! I was looking at the myriad of information types, and pages, and tables and graphs – hours later I had to peel myself away… there’s so much there, plus I’m yet to delve into the agricultural side of it, which I also have an interest in. I’ll be going back there repeatedly, I can see that! As for the vegetables, I’m just going to wing it. I’ll look at what’s ‘better’ and eat more of that, and if it’s ‘worse’, then I’ll eat less of it. I think if I leave out the whole grain stuff for a while that will have an affect – if not, then it’s not that, and I’ll go back to eating it. Sounds like a plan?

*sigh*

My mother asked me why I was losing weight today.

There was nothing I could say that didn’t sound shallow. But it’s not. I’m doing it for ME.

If I could have one wish for next year – it would be that it will be as good as this year was, for every part of my life, not just the losing weight one.

I’m a bit angry. And a bit disappointed. And a bit pleased.

It’s just been one of THOSE weeks at work… and the micoach website is still down (along with adidas – assholes), so I can’t even log my runs. I spose I could through daily mile, but then I have to convert and I’m feeling SO lazy atm. *sigh*

Plus the stupid bank wouldn’t give me a stupid car loan. I didn’t bother asking why, I’ll go somewhere else, and take the lush of my life with me. Oh, and change that bank account so my pay isn’t going into it either. That’ll fuckem. 🙂

And I’m a bit pleased cos the weight is moving again – seems to be month on, month off. As long as thetrend is downward – I know, I know – but sometimes it gets damn frustrating. I have been so good this week, it’s nice for it to be paying off. Tomorrow is weigh in day, so I’ll not bore you here… hehe

 

it’s getting harder to keep up

as things become second nature… you pay things off, pay less attention, and lose sight of what you’re trying to achieve.

I’ve been good this week – despite sounding like I have given up on myself. I’ve exercised nearly every day:

Mon – short 2.7 run after work
Tue – 5k run for PT
Wed – circuits in the morning (run, situps, pushups), pilates at lunch, 5K run with the club in the evening
Thur – nada. Left my shorts at home and was sore so had a day of rest!
Fri – 4k run for PT

My eating’s been good – have eaten 3 lunches at the mess, so they’ve been a bit bigger than what I’d make for myself, but they were healthy, and certainly not over sized meals.

Yet I still fail to make much headway on the scales. I know they’re not the most important thing to me, and I’m certainly not putting it on – but I can’t help wondering what will happen when I’m not doing so much exercise. Or perhaps I only *think* I’m doing exercise?

Just because it’s more than a couch potato would do, is it really enough?

I shall be able to test this over the next few weeks. The lush of my life will be on course during the day, so it’s highly unlikely that our lunchtimes will be spent together… for the first three days of the week I will be able to do lunchtime classes at the gym, as well as the usual PT sessions in the morning. Plus, as at 31 Oct I will go back to more rigourously policed PT sessions, where I can’t just bugger off and go for a run wherever it takes me. I am missing cross training, and will need to look forward to the challenge, because otherwise I will just fucking HATE every second of it before, after and during the sessions. Which sucks balls actually and makes life harder. I like a session that is challenging, but that I’m capable of completing – and feeling proud of myself that I actually did it. Those are really good sessions.

I’m going to die. *sigh*

Well, we’re back.

And yes, it was two weeks of indulging in food I shouldn’t and alcohol which I shouldn’t, but hey, it was a holiday! I ate rice (sensibly for me, but I guess any is bad for me) and rice crackers and noodles (more soba – hardly any ramen unfortunately… but lucky!), and coffee in a can with far too much sugar, and some really addictive mousse cake combo that just polished off the after dinner beers very nicely. It was great, and I was expecting to have put on heaps, but I don’t think it’s as much as I thought.

For now, I’m going to concentrate on getting back into the groove, and I know that the weight will follow, so I’m worrying more about how I’m feeling (really good) than what’s on the scales (meh).

Didn’t get to run over there like we hoped, but we walked for fucking miles. And miles. Which was really a blessing, as if we hadn’t, we would’ve put on even more weight!