Okay, I got this.

Things I’ve been eating lately and know I shouldn’t be:

ice cream (even the soy stuff)
chocolate (even the sugar free diary free stuff)
biscuits and cake (they’re just so not worth it anyway)
bread (how about we go back to 2 slices on the weekends, hmmm?)
juice (remember how grossly sweet and thick it tasted? Before you drank the rest of the carton that is!)
huge meals (are just bullshit. You know it. Portion size is the BOMB!)

There you go. It’s all out there in all its awful truth.

And I need to remember that people out there have it way worse than me as far as eating habits and addictions go. So STFU and get on with the program.

 20 days till D Day. That’s Departure Day. 🙂

Enough is enough.

I have spent the better part of the past two months making excuses for my eating and lack of exercise, and I’m over it.

I’m heavier. I’m flabbier. I’m eating badly. I’m not exercising properly.  I’m not enjoying my life (or my body) as much as I did a few months back. And I’m sick of it.

‘Because I’m going away’ should not be an excuse.
‘Because I’m away’ should not be an excuse.
‘Because I’m back’ should not be an excuse.

In fact, not only should they not be an excuse, I will not allow ANY of the above to be an excuse anymore – not for my eating, nor for my exercise.  They can be challenges, but my god, they will not be excuses! No more!!

This week for example – I was feeling sluggish and not comfy in my body. Yesterday, I thought I’d eaten relatively well by dinner, then I looked back and looked critically at it. For breakfast, I had Allbran and milk. Many people would think ‘And??’, but I know that Allbran has too much sugar in it for me, and too many calories. Cows milk I’m not supposed to drink (and boy, the snot this morning running down my throat reminded me very insistently!). Piece of fruit for morning tea, and my nuts. Check – that much is okay. Before lunch, a meal replacement shake. Not so bad, but then I went and ate lunch as well. Not a big lunch, and at least I managed to resist the bread for the first time in days, but I really needed to have one or the other, not both. Afternoon snack – two twin packs of biscuits and a piece of cake (little serves in packets). Again, not bad for many people, for me – complete bullshit. Didn’t need to eat them, didn’t even particularly want them, but they were there. Why? Cos I grabbed them myself when I left the mess (food hall) at lunch. After work, a peanut butter and jam sandwhich on my fav seeded bread. Mhmm. Maybe for lunch, but not as a ‘just because I like eating it’ snack – that’s just CRAZY!! Out to dinner before a show: he had creamy pasta, I had pizza. Proper pizza… thin and crispy base with not much on top. Again, not bad, but given I had more than half of it, again, waaaay too excessive.

I did not bust my ass off to lose weight by eating well and exercising only to sabotage myself. That’s how I got overweight and sad in the first place! Denial. So, the denial is over. There are no excuses, there is only myself. I am responsible for what I do and how I behave, and I am answerable only to myself. I deserve better than what I am letting myself be at the moment, and it’s time to change.

I have two weeks left before I go away for the better part of four months. That’ll be four months of having no time to myself, of having meals prepared for me (if I’m really unlucky. If I’m lucky then we’ll have individual rations – at least I get to pick what I want to eat and when!), of eating food that’s designed for people doing strenuous labour, not sitting on your ass on a computer for 13hrs a day, of three choices of carb in the one meal. Of not being able to run (some say we will do some running, personally I’ve never had the time or the opportunity), of not being able to train properly. Of not being able to SHOWER after any activity I will get to manage!

Currently I’m looking up activities I can do using my own body weight, and thinking short bursts of activity over the course of a day might be the thing to plan at this stage – remembering I’ll have boots and a uniform on… so no jumping jacks (hate those fuckers anyway, even in bare feet!), plus the ground is likely to be rocky. The other thing I’m going to do is take a tape measure. I’ll measure all of me before I go, and just keep an eye on one or two measurements while I’m out there.  That will have to suffice.

Okay, enough. My mind is made up, and I’m made of steel. Time to move on.

Well, I got up and ran.

And yes, I feel much better for having done it.

I needed to – I haven’t run for 2 whole days, and it feels like a year! Running in the morning is a great way to start the day for me, mentally.  If I do nothing else all day, at least I know I got off my ass and ran 5K this morning. I plan to do other things today too, so I now just have to make sure I do them.

 

*sigh*

My mother asked me why I was losing weight today.

There was nothing I could say that didn’t sound shallow. But it’s not. I’m doing it for ME.

If I could have one wish for next year – it would be that it will be as good as this year was, for every part of my life, not just the losing weight one.

Nearly 30lbs gone!

That’s quite amazing… I had no idea it was so much. Mentally, I’m still bigger… I automatically grab bigger clothes, and even when I *had* to buy a smaller pair of shorts (cos the already smaller pair is starting to fall off – sounds dramatic, but isn’t), I thought ‘I can’t fit these!’ And I did. Easily. Hopefully my brain will catch up eventually… 

I just logged my weight after 6 weeks of thinking nothing was happening, and it’s going down. Ever so slowly, but down it’s going. I actually think that drinking alcohol has more to do with losing weight than I ever realised. I mean hell, I ate an icecream yesterday. And bread for two days in a row (two slices, whole grain of course – usually I only eat 2 slices a week, if that!), and only half a martini in two weeks. I’m going to stick to my guns and see what happens.

Breakfast time now. Seeming as I had a mega early dinner yesterday, I’m having oats and papaya for breakfast. Om nom nom! Will send photo. xxxx 

pfft

I have a sneaking suspicion that this month will be a complete write off.

I have courses, I am coming down with a cold (mega amazing sneezing followed by that ‘where the hell did my head just fly off to’ feeling), and I’ll be in the field (and most likely incommunicado) for two weeks of it. Well. We’ll have to see what happens.

In honour of the momentous occasion today of the death of Bin Laden, there have been several drinks, and not a lot of excercise. I shall have to make sure I do something every night this week, as I shan’t be doing anything at work until Friday. And I liked it so much better when I was doing stuff. Life was easier, and things were less hectic.

It’s funny…

I was just updating my Weakly Roundup page for Week 6, and I noticed how stupid I was being.

I’d spent the second half of the week feeling like a lard ass who was completely lacking motivation, dedication and drive – because I’d had 2 days this week with no exercise.  Then I realised that if I was reading someone elses stats, I would be impressed by their effort of getting out there and doing it at all, that they kept going back for more, and I think I’d even be a bit inspired… so why can’t I cut myself some slack?

I’d spent the second half of the week feeling like a half a failure because I have been eating crappy. Although my food choices are okay (??) I haven’t been eating enough to cover what I’ve been doing, and I am still yet to achieve a good balance. I know what I need to do, I’m just too lazy to do it. I’ve also found that getting enthusiastic about eating is difficult when you’re not hungry. If you’re only going through the motions because you have to, you just eat stuff. Sure, it’s low fat, high GI, protein/carbs unrefined WHATEVER, but it’s still eating crap.

How to overcome this? Alright, like the guy said ‘You know what you have to do, you just have to put it into practice’. I am happy with the way that the exercise is going at the moment (dispite having ‘moments’!), so I should concentrate on eating better – for the next week at least. Breakfast is easy, I got that one down pat last year, so I need to work on the other two meals of the day. And no, I don’t really like to snack unless I absolutely must – ie sugar levels dropping, temper fraying, – I find I eat too much. So I’ll concentrate on meals. One of the best ways I’ve found to keep yourself honest, is meal planning. Which has completely gone to shit since the lush of my life has been away (Things are so much easier when you have a companion who is also supportive and encouraging, don’t you think?), so I think the take home message for today is meal planning.

Starting now.
(I think this calls for a new page, and an updated objective list too!)

I got up!

And I ran. I found my inspiration – #RunForJapan !

I’m going to run for 2 weeks and donate $5 per kilometre… and if I don’t think I’ve done enough, then I’ll make it a month.

So far, 3.6k. And it was humid and gross and felt like I ran another 10 on top of it, so while it wasn’t much, it was something. And I did it, and I’m glad I did. Now I have to mow the lawn while it’s not raining – who knows how long that will last!!

Today

I’ve spent trying to eat more. Two beers at the end of the day, and I just feel like a) a blob, and b) a failure. I don’t want dinner. I’m not hungry.

Please stand by while we rectify the problem…

I did squash for ,almost an hour by myself – I worked out you get to run twice as far, but you have an advantage in knowing where the ball should go. Cancelled by the fact you can’t hit the damn thing straight anyway, and multiplied by the wussy hits. All in all? I know what the sore spot is on the heel of my hand now… And I get better every time I hit the damn thing.

4.102

Today, it’s Wednesday.

I did my run in a bit over 33 mins (according to the little taggy thing around my ankle), and I did walk more than I should’ve. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve run a timed 5k, and would you believe some bastard even put hills in there? Sure they weren’t real big, but they were a bit nasty.  I ran up them too – and you have to run down hills, cos it’s money for shit!

So, to recap: I ran it. It wasn’t fast, and it wasn’t flash, but I ran it.The first is the hardest – next week is a cross country, and there is the word ‘Beach’ in the title. I’m not so keen on that bit.

Memo to me: Drink more water. Load up before the race. Always have a full bottle in the car.

Two objectives down for this week… one more to go. That’s the swim. And I still have a few days left, so I’ll not stress.

Tomorrow is squash in the afternoon. Friday I don’t have a damn clue – that may in fact be my opportunistic swimming day? Saturday is my #run4ChCh and I am hoping to be lucky enough to have two others with me. I am aiming for 10k in 1hr… we’ll see how we go… and then I will donate $5 for each kilometre to the Red Cross. I know it’s not much, but every little bit helps… doesn’t it??After that, it’s brunch. I’m looking forward to it.

Next big ticket on the menu is a 10k cross country on 16 April. Meh, it’s a Saturday – I’m going to give it a shot. Then I’m going to get drunk. hehe

Today is also day 8 of doing some sort of physical activity every day. And if I can do the sprints on the weekend, it will be the third weekend in a row. I’m kinda sorted feeling a little inspired, just cos I can be.